I was a confident, conservative, reformed evangelical. Reformed protestants have a Calvinist bent in theology. I was married, with three incredible children, and very active in the church of my faith. I taught Bible studies, was a mentor in our women’s mentoring program, sang in the choir, was a soloist, a member of a six person ensemble, and a violinist in the church’s orchestra. I was also a full time homeschooling mom. My oldest child, Dillon, wanted to be a concert pianist. He was only eight when he made that decision, but was extrememly gifted. He was currently taking piano lessons from a professor at a university in the next city. I began to pray about what to do for my precious son. We lived in Arkansas, which is not a mecca of classical music opportunities, and I needed direction.

A few weeks later his teacher informed me that Dillon needed a more advanced teacher. I disagreed. She was a piano professor. How much more advanced could we get? She explained the differences in levels of pedagogy, even at the collegiate level, and told me that in six months to a year, she would no longer be qualified to instruct Dillon and he would get frustrated with his lessons. She recommended a colleague of hers and told me he was really the only option for my son. There were a few obstacles she warned me about. First, he rarely takes children. Second, he is known for being a monster to his students, and third he is very expensive.

I started with the third obstacle. When I found out the price I decided then and there I couldn’t do it. The cost of piano was solely my responsibility and I had very few resources. When Dillon was five I asked my then husband if he could take piano lessons. He said yes, only if I paid for it myself. It was not to come out of the household budget. So, I started tutoring math and freelance writing. That worked fine when the lessons were $20 an hour, but now, if we switched to this new teacher, they were going to be $60 an hour, and his sister was now old enough for lessons as well. I had no idea how to afford it. But, I figured it might not even get that far given the first two obstacles.

Because of the cost issue, I made the decision to stay with his current teacher for as long as it seemed useful to Dillon and then worry about switching. Sure enough six months later, Dillon hit a wall. He was frustrated with piano and his lessons, and his teacher reminded me it was time for a more advanced pedagogy. As it happened, Dillon was in a piano competition at a local University and we met the professor his teacher wanted us to transfer to. A few weeks after we met him, we decided to attend a public concert in which he was performing.

He remembered Dillon’s performance at the competition, approached us after his concert, and invited Dillon to attend and perform at a piano party he was holding at his home. When we went, I prayed for an opportunity to discuss the possibility of teaching Dillon with him. At the end of the party, he asked if I could give him a lift into Little Rock. That was the opportunity I needed. I told him of Dillon’s current teacher’s suggestion of Dillon studying under him and asked if he would be willing to take Dillon. I also explained that my schedule is pretty tight, so I would also need him to take his sister. This way I didn’t have to travel to two teachers. He graciously agreed. Hurdle one down. I decided to hit hurdle two head on. The conversation went something like this:

“I feel a little awkward asking you about this, but feel I must. Right now Dillon absolutely loves piano and I want that to continue. However I have been told you can be kind of ruthless with your students.”
Neil (the professor) looked at me with a mischevious grin and replied, “That’s true. But, I do know the difference between a Master’s candidate in piano and an eight year old boy. Why don’t we do the first month free, and you decide if you like my teaching style.”

I agreed and hurdle two was over. For the last hurdle, I doubled the number of tutoring students, and took a job proof reading a magazine from home. All the hurdles were cleared and we settled in to new lessons. Life was moving along as comfortably as I thought possible. Then three things happened which turned my world upside down. First, we discovered Neil was Mormon. Secondly, my family came to love him greatly. Thirdly, my conscience would not allow me to care about someone and not discuss eternity with them.

You see the church I attended taught that Mormonism was a cult, its members deceived and condemned to an eternity in hell. How could we say we loved this man, and just sit back while he goes to hell? It was a real struggle for me. Now it shouldn’t have been that hard to talk to someone about eternity, but I was afraid he would get angry and stop teaching Dillon. We became dependent on his teaching. Dillon was blossoming under his tutelage, and there wasn’t another teacher within a two hours drive that was even close to his capabilities. The fact is Neil has quite a temper. I was afraid Dillon would lose him as a teacher. Pretty sorry excuse, I know, but it felt very real to me. Dillon means the world to me. I didn’t want to do anything that would hurt his future. So, I wrongfully put off the conversation.

Soon I was pregnant again, and all thoughts of Neil’s eternity conveniently went out the window as I made preparations for our new arrival. During that time, our friendship with Neil grew. We regularly had outings together, and my conscience began to bother me almost continuously. Soon after my fourth child (which we named after Neil) was born, I began studying about Mormonism. I checked out every book our church library had on the subject, and borrowed a few from one of our pastors. The more I read, the more frightened I became for my dear friend. I would weep on my bed and pray for Neil. It seemed so awful, so satanic, so deceptive. I could not sit back without any attempt at rescuing him. So, I set an appointment for the dreaded conversation, deciding that if Neil got angry and dropped Dillon, perhaps God would look mercifully on my dear child and move another qualified teacher into the area.

When the night for our conversation finally arrived, I tried to get my husband to go in my stead, to no avail. So, I packed up my little Neil and drove to his namesake’s home. It was the longest drive of my life. I had a basic plan, but was still not completely sure what to say. Bringing a peace offering of homemade chicken pot pie, I made him eat it before I brought up Mormonism, hoping he’d be more pleasant on an full stomach. When he finished eating I took a deep breath and asked him why he thought Joseph Smith was a prophet.

He responded, “Because he is.” We bantered back and forth for a while, with me trying to explain some of the things I’d read and attempting to show him from Scripture where it was wrong. But, each time he cut me off.

After about fifteen minutes of this, he held up his hand and said, “Listen, Annmarie, I should probably tell you that I’ve been expecting this conversation. I can also tell you that you won’t get far with me by talking about things you read in Anti-Mormon literature. I know the books you’ve read. Do you really think it is intelligent getting all your information on a subject from opposing sources? You wouldn’t teach someone about Protestantism by using material written by a Muslim would you? Have you considered studying our literature to see what we believe?”

Aside from the slight dig on my intelligence, I had to admit he was right. It was not an honest way of investigating something. I told him I would investigate further, using actual Mormon reading material. At that moment his doorbell rang and two female missionaries entered the room. Neil explained they were going to be meeting with someone at his house, but it would not interrupt our conversation. He then told the ladies why I had come. I was already feeling pretty stupid, and now I had two missionaries in the room. They offered me a Book of Mormon, which I accepted. I then packed up my sweet baby and took off out of that house as fast as I could.
If the drive to Neil’s house seemed long, the drive home was even longer. I now had to face my husband Brent and explain that not only did I not convert Neil, but that I agreed to read the Book of Mormon. I was pretty sure that would not go over too well. I was right. Brent was furious and told me that book was not staying in the house. I tried calming him down, by telling him I knew it was a false religion. But, I explained, the only chance we have of helping Neil was by using his literature. I also said that truth has nothing to be afraid of. If what we believe is true, then this will only serve to display that truth more readily. He calmed down and agreed to let me read it, only to show Neil where it violates the Bible.

That process both destroyed my life and saved it. I began a three year journey that ended in excommunication from my former church, ostracism from every friend, a divorce after an 18 year marriage, and loss of all means of financial support.

The day after I received my Book of Mormon I began studying it. I would set aside one to two hours each day to read it and compare it with the Bible, writing down any questions or what at first appeared to be contradictions. Then, each Thursday evening, after my children’s piano lessons I would sit down with Neil, their teacher, and ask my questions. The first thing I remember was that the Book of Mormon was not what I expected. It was much more in line with the Bible than I thought it would be. Although, I couldn’t understand how it could have been so much more specific than the Bible. The skeptic in me decided that Joseph Smith was just taking information from the Bible and writing a “New” testament, until I read the story about Joseph Smith’s reaction when Martin Harris lost some of the manuscript translations. I then realized that he was no scam artist. He truly believed everything he was writing was true. That left two options: Either Mormonism was true, or it was a cleverly designed scheme of Satan. I had to know which.

So, I thought the first issue to be settled was the fact that there were no new Scriptures. If the canon was closed, as I had been taught, then the Book of Mormon was false doctrine. I remember early on calling one of my pastors for help. I just couldn’t figure out where in the Bible we derived the fact that the canon was closed. No matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t find a passage that even hinted.

To the contrary, I found verses such as I Thessalonians 5:19-21 “Quench not the Spirit. Despise not prophesyings. Prove all things: hold fast that which is good.”, and Amos 3:7 “Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets.”, and Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and for ever.” To me it looked like there was still precedence for God to speak. After a brief conversation with one of my pastors he admitted there is no Scriptural support for the closing of the canon.When I asked why we believed that his response was church tradition.

Church tradition? Really? Isn’t that in part what the whole protestant reformation fought against. Didn’t Luther himself say he had to be convinced by Scripture to change his mind on his beliefs? Now I’m supposed to go to Neil and cite church tradition. Not likely. That conversation opened up the possibility to me that there could be new Scripture. Now my job was to find out if it was. Just as Thessalonians taught, I needed to “Prove all things”.

As we met, there were several differences in doctrine that I had to examine and try to discern which was true. Some of the first that came up were the need for baptism as a requirement of salvation, the doctrine of the trinity, the continuation of an actual line of priesthood, as well as the laying on of hands for receiving the Holy Ghost. There were many others, but those are the main ones that come to mind. I would ask my questions and Neil would photocopy chapters from Articles of Faith andJesus the Christ by James Talmage. Eventually he just handed me both books to borrow, siting the need to save trees. Funny guy. Now I had more material to read as I studied.

One Thursday afternoon Neil called me on the phone and asked if he could invite some sister missionaries to come and watch my children while we talked, so we wouldn’t be so distracted. I agreed, not knowing there was a rule that missionaries couldn’t watch children. When I arrived for lessons that evening with my list of questions Neil casually mentioned that he also invited a couple of elders. So, by the time lessons ended, the children were playing quietly in the back room by themselves, and I was sitting around Neil’s kitchen table with five Mormons, four of which were missionaries. It was slightly intimidating to say the least. I was afraid my questioning things would come across defensive, or worse offensive, but the missionaries were always gracious and understood my motives.

This went on for close to three years. I went through many wonderful sets of missionaries, some of whom I became quite close to, such as Sisters Trachmann and Plourde. Occasionally Neil would invite some other ladies from his ward to sit in on the discussions to introduce me to some women from the church as well. One of those ladies, Vicki Lorimer, later became a lifeline for me.

There were times I had a greater understanding of things than others. I still remember the day I was reading my Bible and realized we are supposed to receive the Holy Spirit by the laying on of hands, the only prerequisites seeming to be repentance and baptism. Well, I didn’t want there to be any part of the Bible I wasn’t at least trying to obey, so I came up with what to me was a simple solution.

I emailed Neil and told him I now understood that we had to receive the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands. Seeing as I had repented and was baptized, and he held the authority to lay hands at his church, maybe he could confirm me after lessons that week. Then I’d be set. Looking back at the naivete of that suggestion, I wish I could have seen Neil’s face when he first read my earnest email. Neil tried hard to explain to me why that wouldn’t work, but I just wasn’t getting it. However I did realize that Neil would be breaking some rules to comply to my request and I certainly didn’t want to get him in any trouble. I would just have to content myself with continuing to study and determine the truth.

When this all began, I was sure I was right. I would faithfully ask my companions in my ladies ensemble group to pray for “my Mormons”. Hoping they would come to my faith. Eventually, however, I began to realize there was a very strong possibility that they were right. I didn’t dare say anything to anyone at church about my doubts. It would get me in a tremendous amount of trouble. The boldest I would get in sharing my doubts was to change my prayer request from praying for “my Mormons” to asking for wisdom. My daily prayers changed from, “Lord, please help Neil understand the truth” to “Father, please show both of us what is true.” I figured that covered it either way. I began to grow uneasy. I felt my whole foundation crumbling underneath me and I didn’t know where to put my feet. My whole life revolved around my faith. I realized I had started on a path that could not be retracted. I now HAD to know which was true.

In the meantime my friends began to notice my uneasiness. Some of them wondered if Neil had too strong and influence over me. They knew I thought highly of him, and that my marriage was not easy. I assured them that was not so. Still, they were uncomfortable by what they now considered my fascination with Mormonism. Brent, my husband, also became concerned. Not about me and Neil, but about what he perceived as my defense of Mormonism in our discussions about what I was learning. When one evening I refused to say I was convinced Mormonism was a false religion he hit the roof.

He told me I was no longer to read, study, talk about, or even think about Mormonism again. I was ordered to return all the reading materials and limit my conversations with Neil to life and piano. Religion was not to be brought up again. I was devastated, but I submitted. The church I attended taught that wives were to submit to their husbands in all things. There was a clause in there that said we could not be ordered to sin, but I wasn’t sure this fell into that category. I returned everything to Neil (except my Book of Mormon which I kept hidden under my mattress) and explained to him we would no longer be able to discuss theology. Neil took that in stride and went back to our discussions revolving around piano. I however, did not fare so well.

I was truly confused about what to believe. What if God was different than I had been taught? What if there was more Scripture, and a whole line of priesthood authority and blessings that came with that? If that was so, I was not obeying God as He wanted. Possibly I didn’t even know him at all. What if I was teaching my children incorrect theology? Every decision I made was now suspect. Plus, so much of our daily lives revolved around the teaching opportunities I had with my children. Even our academics in our homeschool were saturated in theology. Every part of my life was shrouded in doubt. I began to fall apart and didn’t know how much longer I could continue in that state of mind.

I begged my husband to allow me to continue to study. I pleaded with him to understand I had to know what to believe. He kept saying he would tell me what to believe. As submissive as I am by nature, I knew that wouldn’t work. I explained to him it had to be my beliefs, not his, but he wouldn’t budge. I felt close to a nervous breakdown. He grew angrier and more resentful of me because I could not seem to get past this desire to study further. Things kept getting more and more tense in our home. I was still submitting and not studying or discussing things, but I was absolutely miserable and felt completely pulled into tiny pieces.

Eventually one of my friends, ironically the colleague of Neil’s that told me to go to him in the first place, went to the leadership of my church and told them she was concerned about a relationship I was in with a Mormon male. Brent and I were summoned to one of the elders homes to meet with he and his wife. There I was told of my friend’s concerns. I was also told that I was no longer to take my children to piano lessons.

Brent and I were both furious. First they implied that there was impropriety going on, which we all knew to be untrue. Brent said if the husband of the home was not concerned about the friendship than neither should they. They said it was their final decision. Either I discontinued taking the children to Neil, having no further communication with him, or I would be kicked out of choir, orchestra, ladies ensemble, and my teaching responsibilities.

I was devastated again. Who could I replace Neil with for my son? There wasn’t another qualified teacher within hours of driving. This time I dug in my heels. I told them if they could find a suitable replacement for Dillon’s instruction that I would switch teachers. But, I certainly didn’t think they had the right to determine who was to be a family friend. They disagreed and I was officially kicked out of the ministries at church. They replied that even if there was no impropriety, which we all now agreed there wasn’t, it was irresponsible for me to expose my children regularly to a Mormon. I left the meeting angry and feeling completely defeated and hopeless. The fact of the matter was, I wasn’t even sure Mormonism was true, but I certainly felt the need to find out.

When Brent and I left that meeting we were both in agreement that the church leadership were overstepping their bounds. They didn’t have the right to determine our piano teacher. It was a few short weeks later that we were summoned to another meeting. This time I was to face the entire elder board, which consisted of about 16 men, both vocational and lay leaders. In the meantime, the pastors kept busy by interviewing my friends, asking them if I had ever said anything to them that could be deemed suspect regarding my beliefs on Mormonism, or my friendship with Neil. They really couldn’t find anything except the fact that I spoke of him highly.

Once in the meeting, they began by reading a passage for the purpose of “setting the tone”. The passage they chose was one on church discipline. I knew from that moment on I was in step two of the excommunication process. I was flabbergasted. In the fifteen years I had served at that church, I had not so much as even gave the appearance of causing problems. Why were such drastic measures being taken?

The meeting itself was humiliating. The men were hostile, and treated me as someone unworthy of even decent kindness. Every innocent action, or word ever spoken was scrutinized and looked at with the most vile slant possible. I was asked to defend how I could justify allowing someone to mentor my son who was Mormon. It didn’t matter how many times I said he was teaching piano, not theology, they still disapproved. Next I was asked to defend my interest in Mormonism. I didn’t want this fight. I wasn’t even sure Mormonism WAS true. I explained to them that Brent had told me to return the materials and stop studying, and I had submitted. Still they were unsatisfied. The meeting went on for about three hours, with the conclusion that I was to renounce anything to do with Mormonism, including taking the children to piano, or they would go forward with my excommunication. I was frustrated beyond belief.

Whenever I tried calling a friend to talk about the situation, they would tell me that the elders had already contacted them, and they were not allowed to discuss the situation with me. I was also told if I needed to talk about it, they were to tell me the elders were available for me to speak with. I felt trapped. In the meantime, the elders (and remember, this is different than LDS elders) summoned me to another meeting. I had no intentions of repeating round one, and said that my position had not changed and refused to attend. Brent, however, grew frustrated with my inability to say Mormonism was false and decided to attend the meeting himself.

At that meeting, Brent’s leadership of our home was called into question. He was even advised to disable my van, so that I could not take the children to piano. They told him, it sounded to them as if the Mormon in Conway was leading our home. Brent came home from that meeting more hostile than ever, and was now was in full agreement with the leadership. I was under immense pressure. My whole life was falling apart, and I wasn’t even sure it was for a good reason. Brent went to work in silence, and then came home and yelled at me for not submitting to the elders. When I went to church, I was not allowed to participate in any of the ministries, and I was whispered about and avoided. I had finally reached my breaking point.

I wrote a local Mormon Bishop who had heard about my situation and asked Neil if there was anything he could do to help. I told him in the letter that I had so many questions and wished I could speak to him about them. I knew I wouldn’t be permitted to, so just asked for him to pray for me to have wisdom. Brent apparently had been going through my computer files because he found the file of the letter and went ballistic. I was now to give him my email password so he could check all of my computer correspondence. He also would not allow me to have a phone conversation without him listening in. I was falling apart. There were days I did not feel as if I could continue. I went about the house barely functioning, superficially going through the motions with the children’s school work, and then going to my bed to cry. Several times I came close to suicide, but thoughts of my children kept me from following through.

I tried explaining to my husband how desperate and alone I felt. I even told about wishing to die. He responded by saying my sin brought all of those feelings upon my head. If I would simply repent, it would all go away. I knew I was completely alone. My husband wouldn’t help, my friends wouldn’t speak to me, and I wasn’t sure which God was real, the one from my church, or the one from Neil’s.

My one lifeline was a woman Neil introduced me to from his ward, Vicki Lorimer. She must have sensed how desperate I felt, because she would email daily checking on my state of mind. Because she knew Brent was monitoring my emails, she would often put the subject heading as Scrapbooking, or some other girly thing, so as to not bring it to his attention. Those emails helped me feel as if there was another human somewhere who cared about me. I’m not sure if I could have gotten through those months without them.

Things were now getting so tense at church, that I began to refuse to go. I couldn’t bear it any longer. Brent continued to attend and take the children, meeting with the elders regularly about my “lack of repentance”. One Wednesday evening Brent took the three oldest children up to church. I kept our two year old home, who had a 102 degree fever. A few minutes after Brent pulled out of the driveway, three elders (one full time pastor and two lay leaders) showed up at my door. They were there to give me one final chance to repent.

So, while trying to comfort a very sick toddler, I spent the next two hours again having to defend my desire to study Mormonism. I realized throughout the evening, to my surprise, that every time they brought up some Mormon “heresy”, I had a response as to why it could be a true doctrine. I was honest with them that I wasn’t sure what was true, but did feel I had the right to figure that out for myself. They strenuously disagreed, and truly could not understand my refusal to submit. I was handed a letter that told me I had until the following Tuesday to repent and submit to the elder board, admitting Mormonism was a false religion or my excommunication would go public.

I truly didn’t know what to do. I just couldn’t agree to what they were asking. One afternoon, while Brent was at work, Vicki called and explained to me about Unrighteous Dominion. She helped me understand that it would not be a sin for me to disobey Brent and figure out what I believed. I knew I couldn’t continue in the state I was in anyway much longer without having a nervous breakdown, so I came to a decision.

I announced to Brent one Sunday afternoon, that if I was going to get in trouble for Mormonism anyway, that I might as well study it and figure out if it was true. He was not pleased, to say the least. I was told it was time to make a decision- him or Mormonism, because he could not stay in our marriage as it currently stood. I was angry. I told him time after time that I wouldn’t even be able to join the Mormon church without his permission. I wasn’t asking to be a member, I just wanted to figure out what I believed. He still patently refused to allow me to study. I had submitted to him our entire marriage, even obeying when he told me what I was allowed to watch, or what I could eat. The one time I needed to disobey for the sake of my conscience and well being, he couldn’t give in. I decided I could not continue to live like this.

We agreed to a divorce. I was to file, because divorce is forbidden at our church and I was getting excommunicated anyway. Shortly after our agreement, my excommunication went public. At my former church, excommunications are finalized in front of the entire congregation. The pastor spent about twenty minutes speaking about me, telling the congregation I was under the influence of a Mormon male and had abandoned my family. They were told that the elders had loved and pleaded with me to return, but I had refused. There instructions were to now treat me as an unbeliever. Any communication they had with me should be designed only to call me to repentance. I was ostracised.

A few weeks later Brent moved out. For the first time in over eighteen years, I was alone. I felt that way too. I was so scared. I had no means of support, four children I loved more than life itself, and I had no idea which theology was true. I think if I had an idea of who God really was it would have helped. At least it would have given me some direction in where to place my trust. At that moment I wasn’t sure who to trust. For three years I had prayed and studied faithfully (until forbidden). The missionaries had assured me if I prayed sincerely, God would tell me what was true. I could not understand why He didn’t answer. I was as sincere as it was possible for any human to be. Was there something wrong with me? Was I not good enough? Was I committing some sin I was unaware of that kept Him from answering me? I didn’t have any answers, and I really needed some fast.

During my 3 + years of study I read A LOT of material. Not only did I go through the entire book of Mormon, but I read Articles of Faith, Jesus the Christ, The Inevitable Apostasy (probably the most helpful book to me), and countless talks that my friend Vicki would send me to try to help answer questions.

It was during one of these talks that I first experienced what I now understand to be the “burning of the bosom”. I would often get frustrated in my conversations with missionaries when they’d ask me questions such as, “How does that make you feel?” I kept thinking, “Who cares how I feel about it? All that matters is whether it is true. I can think something sounds wonderful, but that doesn’t make it true.” I was so frustrated. Plus, I came from a doctrinal background where feelings were taboo. Discernment was done strictly through the Scriptures. If the Bible says it, than it is true. Period. No feelings can verify anything. Having the Spirit affirm something was completely foreign to me. Gradually, the Lord helped me understand. Although revelation is something that I am coming to learn will be a life long process.

One of the first things that helped me, occurred while reading one of the talks my friend Vicki sent by email. I don’t even remember the topic of it. All I remember is standing at my computer, reading the talk, and feeling my whole chest burning in a way I will never forget. It was a beautiful feeling, and every ounce of me felt like the Spirit, or something, was affirming the words of the talk. The topic wasn’t new doctrine for me. Everything in that talk my former church would have agreed with. But, the experience was new for me, and was the beginning of me learning what it means to have the Holy Ghost commune with you. It startled me at first because it strengthened my suspicions that there was much more validity to Mormonism than I ever considered. I knew what that would mean for me and I was frightened.

The second big milestone for me occurred while reading The Inevitable Apostasy by Tad Callister. If you’ve never read that book, I highly recommend it. I knew there was an “elephant in the room” regarding Mormonism that I had yet to address….exaltation and godhood. I tried addressing it that first night I spoke with Neil about his faith. I asked him if he believed he would be a god. He didn’t answer my question (no big surprise there). Instead he asked me what would happen if he asked Dillon to play Tchaikovsky’s hardest concerto. I said it would be too discouraging for him. He said that is what would happen if I tried to understand deep doctrine, before getting the basics. To be honest, I wasn’t convinced. I thought he was avoiding answering me. But, I knew Neil well enough to know that if he didn’t want to deal with something, there was no point in continuing to try. So, I dropped it.

However, privately, I knew that would have to be addressed before I could make ANY decision regarding Mormonism. In the meantime, as I was praying and studying, I realized that I tended to read the Scriptures through the lens of the theological interpretations I had been taught and personally developed. We all have bents and biases that affect how we interpret things, even our Scriptures. I then began making a very conscience effort to re-read my Scriptures with a blank slate. I tried to pretend I had no theological knowledge or background and was coming at the Scriptures fresh. I was amazed at the difference in understanding you can have if you just took Scripture for what it literally said, without spinning it through your preferred, or learned doctrinal preferences. That prepared me for what I was about to learn.

I was sitting on my couch reading Tad Callister’s book, when I got to a chapter on deification. It was amazing! He did such a great job taking you through the Scriptures and the ante-Nicene father’s writings in such a clear way. It opened up that doctrine for me in a way I had never previously understood. I also learned that the doctrine is not quite the same as what we are taught in anti-Mormon literature. However, it was still in its actual form quite different from anything I had ever been taught before. As I was sitting there, I suddenly said aloud, “I believe this.” And then I thought, “Oh no! I believe this.” I knew there was no turning back. I had to follow through and see if it was all true.

All during this time, I felt like I was on one of the scariest roller coaster rides of my life. I would read and study the Scriptures and other books and really feel like things were true. Plus, I fell in love with the faith itself. It is so beautiful, so heavenly. So there I was riding the coaster up, feeling the tension the whole time between the two belief systems. Then, I could have a five minute conversation with my husband and come plummeting down. I was terrified that he was right and I was falling for a cleverly devised Satanic deception. I was trapped between belief and fear.

If Brent was right, and I believed Mormonism, I would be condemned to an eternity in hell. If Neil and Vicki were right, and I didn’t believe Mormonism, I would not know or obey God as He intended for us to know Him. I was being completely overcome by fear in both directions. And that was the state I was in when my husband moved out.

I still remember my first weekend without my children. I had never really been without my children for any significant period of time before. In the eighteen years of our marriage, Brent (my ex) and I had been on a total of four dates, and they were short. The longest I had been away from any of my children were the times I was in labor having another one. Try as I might, I have a hard time counting that as time away.

I spent the entire weekend crying. I did NOT want to be alone, but no longer had any friendships to call on. Neil is not the comforting type, and Vicki had family obligations that weekend. Coincidentally, that was the same weekend as General Conference. I did try to watch some of the talks on my computer, but always ended up crying so much I couldn’t see or hear anything. I remember several of the talks being about trials, but was having a hard time applying them for some reason. To be completely honest, I was still afraid I had made a wrong decision by refusing to submit. What if it turned out Mormonism was not true and I had sacrificed everything for nothing?

Soon I started receiving letters from members of my former church. All calling me to repentance, and telling me I was taking myself and my children on a path to hell. It was very frustrating. Not one person was willing to hear my side of the story. They felt they knew all the information they needed from my excommunication announcement at church. When I ran into church members in a public arena, I was either ignored completely, or told to repent. Even the woman who had been my best friend for quite a few years, pretended we had never even met when we unexpectedly ran into each other. It was infuriating, but I had too much on my plate to focus on their behavior.

The next emotion to hit me was panic. How was I going to provide for my family? I didn’t even have a college degree. When Brent and I first married we were both going to school. Brent, however, made the suggestion that only one of us go at a time. (I no longer remember why, because he didn’t want me working outside the home anyway. Maybe to cut down on tuition costs?) Our agreement was that he would finish first, as he would be the primary breadwinner. When he was done, I could return. I agreed because, at the time, it seemed to make sense. The problem was he took seventeen years to go, and then quit with nothing left but his master’s thesis. As a result, I never got to return. Plus, there is NOTHING more important to me than my children. I did not want to give up raising and educating them. I needed to find a way to earn money and still be their mother.

To add fodder to my fear, all my math students were from my former church, with the exception of one family. All the families from my former church dropped my classes. I remember calling one of the mother’s in desperation, begging her not to drop my class. I wasn’t teaching theology, I was teaching math. She absolutely refused, citing there was no way she would let her children study under me now that I was Mormon. I reminded her I wasn’t Mormon, I just felt I had the right to study it and examine my belief system. She told me I lacked character and this would be the last I heard from her. I was angry and afraid. In frustration I snapped back, asking her if it showed character to allow my children to starve because she didn’t agree with my theology? She hung up.

Her attitude was not uncommon. I heard the same things time and time again from the parents. They didn’t feel I would be a good influence on their children. On top of that, the general manager of one of the two magazines I wrote for every month was a former member of my old church. I thought because he was a former member, there wouldn’t be any issues, but once word of my excommunication leaked to him, suddenly there were no more articles available for me to write. I called and asked if I could do advertising sales, volunteering to work on straight commission. That would not cost him anything. He refused even that.

I spent nearly every waking minute trying to find ways to earn money and still raise my children, but was not having much success. At some point a couple of things began to work out. The other magazine I wrote for was also run by a woman from my former church, but she was kind of dependent on me. She decided to keep me on. That was at least some income. Then an acquaintance who owned a recording studio agreed to let me do some odd jobs for him, as they became available. With those two things, and me querying other magazines for work I should be able to squeak by. We’d need food stamps temporarily, but we would survive.

I began to relax, and could now focus on whether this church really was true, or if it was time for me to reserve my spot in hell. At first it felt funny reading the Mormon scriptures in my living room. It had been forbidden for so long at that point, that part of me still felt like I was doing something naughty. Eventually I got past that, and in my spunkier moments would say aloud, “Oh look, Brent, I’m reading the Book of Mormon.” I decided it was time to take the next step. I was going to attend a Mormon church service. In order to take all precautions with my children, I waited until the next weekend they were with their father.

I was shaking like a leaf that first Sunday morning. I did not know anybody (Vicki and Neil attended a ward in a different city) and none of them knew me. It never even occurred to me to call that Bishop that had contacted Neil those many months ago. When I went into the chapel, I sat quietly by myself and looked around at the people. There was one woman in particular, Lanniece Lewis, who had the most radiant smile. Looking at her helped me relax a little. I spent the entire sacrament service praying, begging God not only to help me know what was true, but to help me know how to order my family correctly and provide for them. (Things had gotten a little out of control with the children while I was trying to drum up work). I was very concerned about order and provision.

The next significant memory of that day was relief society. My shaking was getting a little worse, and I felt very alone. One thing I remember very clearly was the practice hymn. They sang Be Still My Soul. I had never heard that hymn before, but my heart nearly leapt out of my chest when we sang the line: “Leave to thy God to order and provide”. That was exactly what I had been praying about just that morning. It made me feel like God was listening to my prayers. Maybe I would even know soon, whether or not the church was true.

The lesson ended up being on Joseph Smith and the trials and sacrifices he went through when he told people of his newfound faith. Tears began streaming down my face uncontrollably as they talked about Joseph’s struggles. There was something in his unshaken confidence I longed for. I wanted this church to be true. I thought it was beautiful, but I could not join a church on that alone. I would need to know that was what God wanted me to do. I wanted his confidence. I was becoming more obvious (to my great dismay), as my sobs grew. I couldn’t stop the tears. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I was so embarrassed. The teacher kept looking at me with compassion and I just didn’t know what to do. Finally, I raised my hand. I told the ladies I wanted so much to know if the church was true. Before I knew it, all the fear and agony came pouring out of my mouth. I told them everything. I told them I was scared. I wanted to know, if I was going to have to sacrifice everything, that it was for righteousness and not deception.

The ladies were so gracious. Many of them came up to embrace me and tell me why they knew the church to be true. Even if my testimony did not become sure as a result of their comments, it was at least comforting. I went home renewed in my efforts. I began studying with great vigor and began meeting with the missionaries. They came over at least once a week and would answer questions and eat dinner with us.

With my husband gone, there was no longer anyone telling me on a daily basis that Mormonism was a satanic deception. Gradually, my fear began to lessen, which opened up my ability to feel assurance from the Spirit. We are told all the time that fear and faith cannot co-exist, but it is so hard to get rid of fear sometimes. At least it is for me. I began to long to get baptized, but was afraid that I could not without 100% assurance. One night after dinner, Elder Bird looked at me and said, “Annmarie, why haven’t you gotten baptized yet?” I replied I didn’t want to make God angry. I thought it would be hypocritical to get baptized without a 100% assurance and understanding.

Elder Bird replied, “Annmarie, I am a representative of God, and I can completely assure you that God will not be angry with you if you get baptized.” He then told me he felt led to read a verse to me. Turning to Ether 12:6, he read, “And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” At first I cringed, “until after the trial of your faith”. Wasn’t this enough of a trial? Was there to be more before I received a further witness? Then, suddenly, it hit me. The trial for me is not having 100% knowledge. I’m the kind of person who wants ALL the information. I want to study everything out ahead of time. I would never go to a test unprepared, and what could be more important than eternity?

For me, the trial would be going forward without every piece of the puzzle put together. It occurred to me, I was doing to Mormonism what I would never have done to the Bible. I did not have to work out every verse in the Bible to believe it was true. I believed the Bible was true, because something told me it was. The same could be true of the Book of Mormon. So, I took a deep breath and said, “Ok. Let’s set a date.”
The days leading up to my baptism were ones of great excitement. I felt like a huge burden had been taken off my shoulders. I was excited and ready to go. Neil was going to baptize me, and Vicki would give a talk on baptism. I was thrilled. This day was going to be amazing. Anticipation was welling up inside me. For some reason though, when I woke up the morning of my baptism, I was overwhelmed with fear. What if I WAS being deceived? I was panicked. Desperately I picked up my Bible and prayed. My prayer went something like this, “God, I know this is really bad theology, but I need to be sure right now if I am doing the right thing. So, I am going to open my Bible. If I need to cancel my baptism, please show me in the Scriptures now.”

I opened up my Bible, and the first verse my eyes laid upon was, “Beware of false prophets.” My heart stopped. Then something said to read on, so I did. Later in the passage it said, “You shall know them by their fruit.” It was as simple as that. Peace flooded my soul. I have studied this faith and the life and teachings of Joseph Smith for years now, and I knew the fruit. I went to my baptism with 100% confidence. Something I never thought I would have. Nothing felt as good as being submerged in that water. I became a Mormon on May 9, 2009, and was confirmed on Mother’s Day, May 10th.

One of my baptism pictures. This is a picture of me and Neil (the man I tried to convert)

It hasn’t been easy since then. A few months ago, the magazine I wrote for on a monthly basis fired me. She was the majority of my income. I knew her attitude toward me had changed after I got baptized, but she was happy with my work, so I felt safe. Apparently she was biding her time until she found a replacement. Eventually, when she found one, she stopped assigning me articles. When I asked her about it, she said she needed someone with a college degree. She even admitted my writing was better than her new staff member.
My only guess, as I had not needed a degree previously, is that the pressure, or guilt, became too much for her to handle at church, and it was easier just to let me go. So, I’m back to square one in earning money.
There are other pressures too. It is hard being a single parent. I’m tired all the time, and the loneliness can be overwhelming. But, I can say with total assurance, that I am right where God wants me to be. I have learned so much in the last year, that my heart often feels like it is already in heaven. Of course, the realities of life quickly remind me I’m still in the telestial world, but I won’t always be.

I love being Mormon.

As Latter-day Saints use the words saved and salvation, there are at least six different meanings.

Dallin H. Oaks

What do we say when someone asks us, “Have you been saved?” This question, so common in the conversation of some Christians, can be puzzling to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because it is not our usual way of speaking. We tend to speak of “saved” or “salvation” as a future event rather than something that has already been realized.

Good Christian people sometimes attach different meanings to some key gospel terms like saved or salvation. If we answer according to what our questioner probably means in asking if we have been “saved,” our answer must be “yes.” If we answer according to the various meanings we attach to the terms saved or salvation, our answer will be either “yes” or “yes, but with conditions.”

I.

As I understand what is meant by the good Christians who speak in these terms, we are “saved” when we sincerely declare or confess that we have accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior. This meaning relies on words the Apostle Paul taught the Christians of his day:

“If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

“For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation” (Rom. 10:9–10).

To Latter-day Saints, the words saved and salvation in this teaching signify a present covenant relationship with Jesus Christ in which we are assured salvation from the consequences of sin if we are obedient. Every sincere Latter-day Saint is “saved” according to this meaning. We have been converted to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, we have experienced repentance and baptism, and we are renewing our covenants of baptism by partaking of the sacrament.

II.

As Latter-day Saints use the words saved and salvation, there are at least six different meanings. According to some of these, our salvation is assured—we are already saved. In others, salvation must be spoken of as a future event (e.g., 1 Cor. 5:5) or as conditioned upon a future event (e.g., Mark 13:13). But in all of these meanings, or kinds of salvation, salvation is in and through Jesus Christ.

First, all mortals have been saved from the permanence of death through the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. “For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive” (1 Cor. 15:22).

As to salvation from sin and the consequences of sin, our answer to the question of whether or not we have been saved is “yes, but with conditions.” Our third article of faith declares our belief:

“We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel” (A of F 1:3).

Many Bible verses declare that Jesus came to take away the sins of the world (e.g., John 1:29; Matt. 26:28). The New Testament frequently refers to the grace of God and to salvation by grace (e.g., John 1:17; Acts 15:11; Eph. 2:8). But it also has many specific commandments on personal behavior, and many references to the importance of works (e.g., Matt. 5:16; Eph. 2:10; James 2:14–17). In addition, the Savior taught that we must endure to the end in order to be saved (see Matt. 10:22; Mark 13:13).

Relying upon the totality of Bible teachings and upon clarifications received through modern revelation, we testify that being cleansed from sin through Christ’s Atonement is conditioned upon the individual sinner’s faith, which must be manifested by obedience to the Lord’s command to repent, be baptized, and receive the Holy Ghost (see Acts 2:37–38). “Verily, verily, I say unto thee,” Jesus taught, “Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God” (John 3:5; see also Mark 16:16; Acts 2:37–38). Believers who have had this required rebirth at the hands of those having authority have already been saved from sin conditionally, but they will not be saved finally until they have completed their mortal probation with the required continuing repentance, faithfulness, service, and enduring to the end.

Some Christians accuse Latter-day Saints who give this answer of denying the grace of God through claiming they can earn their own salvation. We answer this accusation with the words of two Book of Mormon prophets. Nephi taught, “For we labor diligently … to persuade our children … to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do” (2 Ne. 25:23). And what is “all we can do”? It surely includes repentance (see Alma 24:11) and baptism, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end. Moroni pleaded, “Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ” (Moro. 10:32).

We are not saved in our sins, as by being unconditionally saved through confessing Christ and then, inevitably, committing sins in our remaining lives (see Alma 11:36–37). We are saved from our sins (see Hel. 5:10) by a weekly renewal of our repentance and cleansing through the grace of God and His blessed plan of salvation (see 3 Ne. 9:20–22).

The question of whether a person has been saved is sometimes phrased in terms of whether that person has been “born again.” Being “born again” is a familiar reference in the Bible and the Book of Mormon. As noted earlier, Jesus taught that except a man was “born again” (John 3:3), of water and of the Spirit, he could not enter into the kingdom of God (see John 3:5). The Book of Mormon has many teachings about the necessity of being “born again” or “born of God” (Mosiah 27:25; see Mosiah 27:24–26; Alma 36:24, 26; Moses 6:59). As we understand these scriptures, our answer to whether we have been born again is clearly “yes.” We were born again when we entered into a covenant relationship with our Savior by being born of water and of the Spirit and by taking upon us the name of Jesus Christ. We can renew that rebirth each Sabbath when we partake of the sacrament.

Latter-day Saints affirm that those who have been born again in this way are spiritually begotten sons and daughters of Jesus Christ (see Mosiah 5:7; Mosiah 15:9–13; Mosiah 27:25). Nevertheless, in order to realize the intended blessings of this born-again status, we must still keep our covenants and endure to the end. In the meantime, through the grace of God, we have been born again as new creatures with new spiritual parentage and the prospects of a glorious inheritance.

A fourth meaning of being saved is to be saved from the darkness of ignorance of God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, and of the purpose of life, and of the destiny of men and women. The gospel made known to us by the teachings of Jesus Christ has given us this salvation. “I am the light of the world,” Jesus taught; “he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life” (John 8:12; see also John 12:46).

For Latter-day Saints, being “saved” can also mean being saved or delivered from the second death (meaning the final spiritual death) by assurance of a kingdom of glory in the world to come (see 1 Cor. 15:40–42). Just as the Resurrection is universal, we affirm that every person who ever lived upon the face of the earth—except for a very few—is assured of salvation in this sense. As we read in modern revelation:

“And this is the gospel, the glad tidings …

“That he came into the world, even Jesus, to be crucified for the world, and to bear the sins of the world, and to sanctify the world, and to cleanse it from all unrighteousness;

“That through him all might be saved whom the Father had put into his power and made by him;

“Who glorifies the Father, and saves all the works of his hands, except those sons of perdition who deny the Son after the Father has revealed him” (D&C 76:40–43; emphasis added).

The prophet Brigham Young taught that doctrine when he declared that “every person who does not sin away the day of grace, and become an angel to the Devil, will be brought forth to inherit a kingdom of glory” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young [1997], 288). This meaning of saved ennobles the whole human race through the grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In this sense of the word, all should answer: “Yes, I have been saved. Glory to God for the gospel and gift and grace of His Son!”

Finally, in another usage familiar and unique to Latter-day Saints, the words saved and salvation are also used to denote exaltation or eternal life (see Abr. 2:11). This is sometimes referred to as the “fulness of salvation” (Bruce R. McConkie, The Mortal Messiah, 4 vols. [1979–81], 1:242). This salvation requires more than repentance and baptism by appropriate priesthood authority. It also requires the making of sacred covenants, including eternal marriage, in the temples of God, and faithfulness to those covenants by enduring to the end. If we use the word salvation to mean “exaltation,” it is premature for any of us to say that we have been “saved” in mortality. That glorious status can only follow the final judgment of Him who is the Great Judge of the living and the dead.

I have suggested that the short answer to the question of whether a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been saved or born again must be a fervent “yes.” Our covenant relationship with our Savior puts us in that “saved” or “born again” condition meant by those who ask this question. Some modern prophets have also used “salvation” or “saved” in that same present sense. President Brigham Young declared:

“It is present salvation and the present influence of the Holy Ghost that we need every day to keep us on saving ground. …

“I want present salvation. … Life is for us, and it is for us to receive it today, and not wait for the Millennium. Let us take a course to be saved today” (Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe [1954], 15–16). President David O. McKay spoke of the revealed gospel of Jesus Christ in that same present sense of “salvation here—here and now” (Gospel Ideals [1953], 6).

III.

I will conclude by discussing another important question members and leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are asked by others: “Why do you send missionaries to preach to other Christians?” Sometimes this is asked with curiosity and sometimes with resentment.

My most memorable experience with that question occurred some years ago in what we then called the Eastern Bloc. After many years of Communist hostility to religion, these countries were suddenly and miraculously given a measure of religious freedom. When that door opened, many Christian faiths sent missionaries. As part of our preparation to do so, the First Presidency sent members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles to meet with government and church leaders in these countries. Our assignment was to introduce ourselves and to explain what our missionaries would be doing.

Elder Russell M. Nelson and I called on the leader of the Orthodox Church in one of these countries. Here was a man who had helped keep the light of Christianity burning through the dark decades of Communist repression. I noted in my journal that he was a warm and gracious man who impressed me as a servant of the Lord. I mention this so that you will not think there was any spirit of arrogance or contention in our conversation of nearly an hour. Our visit was pleasant and cordial, filled with the goodwill that should always characterize conversations between men and women who love the Lord and seek to serve Him, each according to his or her own understanding.

Our host told us about the activities of his church during the period of Communist repression. He described the various difficulties his church and its work were experiencing as they emerged from that period and sought to regain their former position in the life of the country and the hearts of the people. We introduced ourselves and our fundamental beliefs. We explained that we would soon be sending missionaries into his country and told him how they would perform their labors.

He asked, “Will your missionaries preach only to unbelievers, or will they also try to preach to believers?” We replied that our message was for everyone, believers as well as unbelievers. We gave two reasons for this answer—one a matter of principle and the other a matter of practicality. We told him that we preached to believers as well as unbelievers because our message, the restored gospel, makes an important addition to the knowledge, happiness, and peace of all mankind. As a matter of practicality, we preach to believers as well as unbelievers because we cannot tell the difference. I remember asking this distinguished leader, “When you stand before a congregation and look into the faces of the people, can you tell the difference between those who are real believers and those who are not?” He smiled wryly, and I sensed an admission that he had understood the point.

Through missionaries and members, the message of the restored gospel is going to all the world. To non-Christians, we witness of Christ and share the truths and ordinances of His restored gospel. To Christians we do the same. Even if a Christian has been “saved” in the familiar single sense discussed earlier, we teach that there remains more to be learned and more to be experienced. As President Hinckley recently said, “[We are] not argumentative. We do not debate. We, in effect, simply say to others, ‘Bring all the good that you have and let us see if we can add to it’ ” (“The BYU Experience,” BYU devotional address, 4 Nov. 1997).

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints offers all of the children of God the opportunity to learn the fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ as restored in these latter days. We offer everyone the privilege of receiving all of the ordinances of salvation and exaltation.

We invite all to hear this message, and we invite all who receive the confirming witness of the Spirit to heed it. These things are true, I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

The following is a transcript of a talk given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, member of the Quorum of the twelve apostles,  at Harvard Law School on 26 Feb. 2010

I welcome this opportunity to speak in what our hosts have called “Mormonism 101.”  In his fine lecture last year Judge Thomas Griffith said he was giving “an introduction to the Mormon faith.”  I intend to do the same, speaking from my special responsibility as an apostle called to speak as a witness of the gospel plan and mission and Church of Jesus Christ.

It is challenging to speak to such a diverse audience—some thoroughly familiar with the doctrines of the Church of Jesus Christ, some unaware, and many between those extremes.  I will address this diversity by speaking about some of the fundamental premises of our faith and how they affect our interaction with the rest of mankind.  My object is to illuminate several premises and ways of thinking that are at the root of some misunderstandings about our doctrine and practice.

I.

We Mormons know that our doctrines and values are not widely understood by those not of our faith.  This was demonstrated by Gary Lawrence’s nationwide study published in his recent book, How Americans View Mormonism. Three-quarters of those surveyed associated our Church with high moral standards, but about half thought we were secretive and mysterious and had “weird beliefs.”[1]  When asked to select various words they thought described Mormons in general, 87% checked “strong family values,” 78% checked “honest,” and 45% checked “blind followers.”[2]

When Lawrence’s interviewers asked, “To the best of your understanding, what is the main claim of Mormonism?” only 14% could describe anything close to the idea of restoration or reestablishment of the original Christian faith.  Similarly, when another national survey asked respondents what one word best described their impression of the Mormon religion, not one person suggested the words or ideas of original or restoration Christianity.[3]

Even the “Tonight Show” took notice of this lack of understanding.  In the course of poking fun at Senator Orrin Hatch’s Hanukkah song, Conan O’Brien led a chorus in singing several stanzas, including the following:

“Oh Mormons, Mormons, Mormons,

We haven’t got a clue

Of what you folks believe in,

Or think or drink or do.”[4]

My disappointment with these findings is only slightly reduced by Lawrence’s other findings and observation that on the subject of religion Americans in general are “deeply religious” but “profoundly ignorant.”  For example, 68% said they prayed at least several times a week, and 44% said they attended religious services almost every week.  At the same time, only half could name even one of the four Gospels, most could not name the first book of the Bible, and 10% thought Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife.[5]

Many factors contribute to our people’s predominant shallowness on the subject of religion, but one of them is surely higher education’s general hostility or indifference to religion.  Despite most colleges’ and universities’ founding purpose to produce clergymen and to educate in the truths taught in their chapels, most have now abandoned their role of teaching religion.  With but few exceptions, colleges and universities have become value-free places where attitudes toward religion are neutral at best.  Some faculty and administrators are powerful contributors to the forces that are driving religion to the margins of American society.  Students and other religious people who believe in the living reality of God and moral absolutes are being marginalized.

Some have suggested that religion is returning to intellectual life.  In this view, religion is too influential to ignore in these times of the Taliban and the political influence of some religious organizations.  But it seems unrealistic to expect higher education as a whole to resume a major role in teaching moral values.  That will remain the domain of homes, churches, and church-related colleges and universities.  All should hope for success in this vital task.  The academy can pretend to neutrality on questions of right and wrong, but society cannot survive on such neutrality.

I have chosen three clusters of truths to present as fundamental premises of the faith of Latter-day Saints:
1.    The nature of God, including the role of the three members of the Godhead, and the corollary truth that there are moral absolutes.
2.    The purpose of life.
3.    The three-fold sources of truth about man and the universe:  science, the scriptures, and continuing revelation, and how we can know them.

II.

My first fundamental premise of our faith is that God is real and so are eternal truths and values not provable by current scientific methods.  These ideas are inevitably linked.  Like other believers, we proclaim the existence of the ultimate lawgiver, God our Eternal Father, and the existence of moral absolutes.  We reject the moral relativism that is becoming the unofficial creed of much of American culture.

For us, the truth about the nature of God and our relationship to Him is the key to everything else. Significantly, our belief in the nature of God is what distinguishes us from the formal creeds of most Christian denominations.  Our Articles of Faith, our only formal declaration of belief, begins as follows:  “We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.”

We have this belief in the Godhead in common with the rest of Christianity, but to us it means something different than to most.  We maintain that these three members of the Godhead are three separate and distinct beings, and that God the Father is not a spirit but a glorified Being with a tangible body, as is his resurrected Son, Jesus Christ.  Though separate in identity, they are one in purpose.  We maintain that Jesus referred to this relationship when he prayed to His Father that His disciples would be “one” even as Jesus and his Father were one (see John 17:11)—united in purpose, but not in identity.   Our unique belief that “The Father has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man’s; the Son also; but the Holy Ghost has not a body of flesh and bones, but is a personage of Spirit” (D&C 130:22) is vital to us. But, as Gary Lawrence’s interviews demonstrate, we have not effectively conveyed this belief to our fellow Americans.[6]

Our belief in the nature of God comes from what we call the First Vision, which began the restoration of the fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Joseph Smith, an unschooled boy of 14, seeking to know which Church he should join, was given a vision in which he saw two personages of indescribable brightness and glory.  One of them pointed to the other and said, “This is My Beloved Son.  Hear Him!” (JS-H 1:17).  God the Son told the boy prophet that all the “creeds” of the churches of that day “were an abomination in his sight” (JS-H 1:19).  This divine declaration condemned the creeds, not the faithful seekers who believed them.

Joseph Smith’s first vision showed that the prevailing concepts of the nature of God and the Godhead were untrue and could not lead their adherents to the destiny God desired for them.  A subsequent outpouring of modern scripture revealed the significance of this fundamental truth, and also gave us the Book of Mormon.  This new book of scripture is a second witness of Christ.  It affirms the Biblical prophecies and teachings of the nature and mission of Christ.  It enlarges our understanding of His gospel and His teachings during His earthly ministry.  And it also provides many teachings and illustrations of the revelations by which we may know the truth of these things.

In a New Testament letter the Apostle Paul explained his testimony of Christ.  He wrote the Corinthian saints that he did not come to them “with excellency of speech or of wisdom,” because he had “determined not to know anything among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified” (1 Cor. 2:1-2).  He added that his preaching “was not with enticing words of man’s wisdom, but in demonstration of the spirit and of power” (vs. 4).  He did this, he explained, that their faith “should not stand in the wisdom of man, but in the power of God” (vs. 3).  Similarly, the Book of Mormon condemns those who hearken to “the precepts of men, and [deny] the power of God and the gift of the Holy Ghost” (2 Nephi 28:26).

These teachings explain our testimony of Christ.  We are not grounded in the wisdom of the world or the philosophies of men—however traditional or respected they may be.  Our testimony of Jesus Christ is based on the revelations of God to His prophets and to us individually.  I will explain this process of revelation in my third premise.

What does our testimony of Jesus Christ cause us to affirm?  Jesus Christ is the Only Begotten Son of God the Eternal Father.  He is the Creator.  Through His incomparable mortal ministry He is our Teacher.  Because of His resurrection all who have ever lived will be raised from the dead.  He is the Savior whose atoning sacrifice opens the door for us to be forgiven of our personal sins so that we can be cleansed to return to the presence of God our Eternal Father.  This is the central message of the prophets of all ages.  Joseph Smith stated this great truth in our third Article of Faith:  “We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.”

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we testify with the Book of Mormon prophet-king Benjamin that “there shall be no other name given nor any other way nor means whereby salvation can come unto the children of men, only in and through the name of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent” (Mosiah 3:17).

Why is Christ the only way?  How could He break the bands of death?  How was it possible for Him to take upon himself the sins of all mankind?  How can our soiled and sinful selves be cleansed and our bodies be resurrected by His atonement?  These are mysteries I do not fully understand.  To me, the miracle of the atonement of Jesus Christ is incomprehensible, but the Holy Ghost has given me a witness of its truthfulness, and I rejoice that I can spend my life in proclaiming it.

Purpose of Mortal Life

III.

My second fundamental premise concerns the purpose of this mortal life.  This follows from our understanding of the purposes of God the Eternal Father and concerns our destiny as His children.  Our theology begins with the assurance that we lived as spirits before we came to this earth.  It affirms that this mortal life has a purpose.  And it teaches that our highest aspiration is to become like our Heavenly Parents, which will empower us to perpetuate our family relationships throughout eternity.  We were placed here on earth to acquire a physical body and, through the atonement of Jesus Christ and by obedience to the laws and ordinances of His gospel, to qualify for the glorified celestial condition and relationships that are called exaltation or eternal life.

We are properly known as a family-centered Church, but what is not well understood is that our family-centeredness is not just focused on mortal relationships but is a matter of fundamental theology.  Under the great Plan of the loving Creator, the mission of His Church is to help us achieve exaltation in the celestial kingdom, and that can only be accomplished through an eternal marriage between a man and a woman (D&C 131:1-3).

My faithful widowed mother had no confusion about the eternal nature of the family relationship.  She always honored the position of our faithful deceased father.  She made him a presence in our home.  She spoke of the eternal duration of their temple marriage and of our destiny to be together as a family in the next life.  She often reminded us of what our father would like us to do so we could qualify for the Savior’s promise that we could be a family forever.  She never referred to herself as a widow, and it never occurred to me that she was.  To me, as a boy growing up, she wasn’t a widow.  She had a husband and we had a father.  He was just away for a while.

We affirm that marriage is necessary for the accomplishment of God’s plan, to provide the approved setting for mortal birth, and to prepare family members for eternal life.  Knowledge of God’s plan gives Latter-day Saints a unique perspective on marriage and children.  We look on the bearing and nurturing of children as part of God’s plan and a sacred duty of those given the power to participate in it.  We believe that the ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our children and our posterity.  And we believe that we must contend for the kind of mortal families that provide the best conditions for the development and happiness of children—all children.

The power to create mortal life is the most exalted power God has given his children.  The use of this creative power was mandated in the first commandment, to “be fruitful, and multiply” (Gen. 1:28), and another important commandment forbade its misuse.  (“Thou shalt not commit adultery” [Exo. 20:14], and “Thou shalt abstain from fornication” [1 Thess. 4:3].)  The emphasis we place on this law of chastity is explained by our understanding of the purpose of our procreative powers in the accomplishment of God’s plan.

There are many political, legal, and social pressures for changes that de-emphasize the importance or change the definition of marriage, confuse gender, or homogenize the differences between men and women that are essential to accomplish God’s great Plan of Happiness.  Our eternal perspective sets us against such changes.

In last year’s lecture, Judge Griffith explained another characteristic of Mormons that stems from our belief that we are all children of Heavenly Parents.  He said we have “an optimism about human potential that encourages sociality.”  As a result, “we like people and that which we do best is build communities.”[7]  While some people complain that Mormons are not good neighbors because we are focused so intently on our families and our Church programs, I believe Judge Griffith had it right when he said that Mormons are good members of a community.  This is why Mormons are often sought out to lead and staff cooperative community efforts.

Judge Griffith also notes that because our church congregations are defined geographically rather than by personal preference, our Church attendance and associations tend to be racially and socially diverse.  We work side-by-side in church with other Mormons we may never have met or chosen as friends otherwise.  We are assigned to make frequent visits to the homes of a few other members to see what service is needed.  We are responsible to watch over, be with, and strengthen one another.  As Judge Griffith said, we “come to appreciate and even love those whose backgrounds, personalities, and interests are different from our own.”[8]  We learn how to serve outside our personal preferences and this prepares us for volunteer community service.

Finally, our understanding of the purpose of mortal life includes some unique doctrines about what follows mortality. Like other Christians, we believe that when we leave this life we go to a heaven (paradise) or a hell, but to us this two-part division of the righteous and the wicked is merely temporary, while the spirits of the dead await their resurrections and final judgments.  The destinations that follow the final judgments are much more diverse, and they stand as evidence of the magnitude of God’s love for His children—all of them.

God’s love is so great that He requires His children to obey His laws because only through that obedience can they progress toward the eternal destiny He desires for them.  Thus, in the final judgment we will all be assigned to the kingdom of glory that is commensurate with our obedience to His law.  The Apostle Paul described these kingdoms.  In his second letter to the Corinthians, he told of a vision in which he was “caught up to the third heaven” (2 Cor. 12:2). Speaking of the resurrection of the dead, he described “bodies” with different glories, like the respective glories of the sun, moon, and stars (1 Cor. 15:40-42).  He referred to the first two of these as “celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial”(1 Cor. 15:40).  For us, “eternal life” in the celestial, the highest of these glories, is not a mystical union with an incomprehensible spirit-god.  As noted earlier, eternal life is family life with a loving Father in Heaven and with our progenitors and our posterity.

The theology of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is comprehensive, universal, merciful, and true.  Following the necessary experience of mortal life, all sons and daughters of God will ultimately be resurrected and go to a kingdom of glory more wonderful than any mortals can comprehend.  With only a few exceptions, even the very wicked will ultimately go to a marvelous—though lesser—kingdom of glory.  All of this will occur because of God’s great love for His children and it is all made possible because of the atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ, “who glorifies the Father, and saves all the works of his hands” (D&C 76:43).

Sources of Truth

IV.

I have described some things that may seem doubtful and untrue to some of you.  This concluding part describes our fundamental LDS premises on how one can know the truth of such things.

Mormons have a great interest in pursuing knowledge.  Brigham Young said it best:

“[Our] religion . . . prompts [us] to search diligently after knowledge. . . . There is no other people in existence more eager to see, hear, learn and understand truth.”[9]

On another occasion he explained that we encourage our members to increase their knowledge in every branch of learning because “all wisdom, and all the arts and sciences in the world are from God, and are designed for the good of his people.”[10]

We seek after knowledge, but we do so in a special way because we believe there are two dimensions of knowledge, material and spiritual.  We seek knowledge in the material dimension by scientific inquiry and in the spiritual dimension by revelation.  In the interest of time I will say no more of the material dimension except to affirm the obvious truth that thousands of Latter-day Saints perform brilliantly in the material world without denying—and, indeed, by using—the parallel truths and methods of the spiritual world.

I will speak about the spiritual dimension and the way we experience its truth.  This concerns revelation, God’s communication to man—to prophets and to every one of us, if we seek.

Revelation is clearly one of the distinctive characteristics of our faith.  Beginning with Joseph Smith’s First Vision, described earlier, this founding prophet of the restored Church was directed and edified by a continuing flow of revelation throughout his life.  The immense quantity of his published revelations, including the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants, carried forward his unique calling as the prophet of this last dispensation of time.  In this prophetic revelation—to Joseph Smith and to his successors as presidents of the Church—God has revealed truths or commandments to His prophet-leaders for the enlightenment of His people and for the governance and direction of His Church.  This is the kind of revelation described in the Old Testament teaching that “the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets” (Amos 3:7).  Joseph Smith declared that “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was founded upon direct revelation, as the true Church of God has ever been.”[11]  “Take away the Book of Mormon and the revelations, and where is our religion?” he asked.  “We have none,” he answered.[12]

Joseph Smith also taught—and this is the subject most important to this part of my remarks—that because revelation did not cease with the early apostles but continued in these modern times, each person can receive personal revelation for his or her conversion, understanding, and decision-making.  “It is the privilege of the children of God to come to God and get revelation,” he said.  “God is not a respecter of persons; we all have the same privilege.”[13]  The New Testament describes such personal revelation.  For example, when Peter affirmed his conviction that Jesus was the divine Son of God, the Savior declared:  “Flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 16:17).

Personal revelation—sometimes called “inspiration”—comes in many forms.  Most often it is by words or thoughts communicated to the mind, by sudden enlightenment, or by positive or negative feelings about proposed courses of action.  Usually it comes in response to earnest and prayerful seeking.  “Ask, and it shall be given you;” Jesus taught, “seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (Matt. 7:7).  It comes when we keep the commandments of God and thus qualify for the companionship and communication of the Holy Spirit.

Here is a personal example.  Nearly 50 years ago, while I was employed by a large law firm in Chicago, Dean Edward H. Levi, who was later to serve as Attorney General of the United States, approached me with a proposal that I leave the law firm and become a professor at The University of Chicago Law School.  He said, “I know you will want to pray about this.”  He knew that because he knew me.  I had been his student, we had frequent associations when I was the editor-in-chief of his school’s law review, and he had successfully recommended me to be a law clerk to Chief Justice Earl Warren.  I discussed this unexpected new career path with my wife.  My personal journal for that August 1961 records: “We prayed about it all through the weekend and shortly felt that this was what we should do.”  I wrote to our parents: “None of us knows where this will lead, but we feel perfectly peaceful in our hearts that this is another valuable preparation for us.”  This experience illustrates what we Latter-day Saints mean by personal revelation—a feeling of confirmation in response to earnest prayer for guidance in an important personal decision.  To cite other examples, we believe that revelation also occurs when a scientist, an inventor, an artist or great leader receives flashes of enlightenment from a loving God for the benefit of His children.

Some wonder how members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints accept a modern prophet’s teachings to guide their personal lives, something that is unusual in most religious traditions.  Our answer to the charge that Latter-day Saints follow their leaders out of “blind obedience” is this same personal revelation.  We respect our leaders and presume inspiration in their leadership of the Church and in their teachings.  But we are all privileged and encouraged to confirm their teachings by prayerfully seeking and receiving revelatory confirmation directly from God.

I explain this principle by an analogy from the law.  We are all familiar with official use of certified copies of legal documents like a death certificate or an honorable discharge from military duty.  The official certificate allows such copies to be accepted as if they were originals.  This practice is based on the fact that anyone who doubts the authenticity of the certified copy can verify its authenticity by going to the original.  So it is with the prophetic revelations of prophets of God.  They are the certifying authorities that their teachings or directions are from God.  Anyone who doubts this—and all are invited to ask questions about what is true—can verify the authenticity and content of the message by checking it with the Ultimate Source, by personal revelation.  As Joseph Smith taught, “We never can comprehend the things of God and of heaven, but by revelation.”[14]

Most Christians believe that the scriptural canon—the authoritative collection of sacred books used as scriptures—is closed because God closed it shortly after the death of Christ and there have been no comparable revelations since that time.  Joseph Smith taught and demonstrated that the scriptural canon is open.[15]  In fact, the canon of scripture is open in two ways, and the idea of continuing revelation is crucial to both of these.

First, Joseph Smith taught that God will guide his children by giving new additions to the canon of scriptures.  The Book of Mormon is such an addition.  So are the revelations in the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price. Sometimes those new revelations explain the meaning of scriptures previously canonized—meanings that may not have been evident in earlier times.  Most often prophetic revelations add new doctrinal understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and new illustrations of His love for and guidance of His children.  Continuing revelation is necessary for us to understand what the Lord would have us do in our own time and circumstances.

Second, continuing revelation also opens the canon as readers of the scripture, under the influence of the Holy Ghost, find new scriptural meaning and direction for their personal circumstances.  The apostle Paul wrote that “all scripture is given by inspiration of God” (2 Timothy 3:16; also see 2 Peter 1:21) and that “the things of God knoweth no man, except he has the Spirit of God” (1 Corinthians 2:11, Joseph Smith Translation).  This means that in order to understand scripture we need personal inspiration from the Spirit of the Lord to enlighten our minds.  Consequently, we encourage our members to study the scriptures and prayerfully seek inspiration to know their meanings for themselves.  Thus, while Latter-day Saints rely on scriptural scholars and scholarship, that reliance is preliminary in method and secondary in authority.  As a source of sacred teaching, the scriptures are not the ultimate but the penultimate.  The ultimate knowledge comes by personal revelation through the Holy Ghost.

It is time for me to conclude.  In doing so I offer a closing commentary on this “Mormonism” that is so satisfying to so many Latter-day Saints and so puzzling to so many others.

It works.  Jesus taught, “By their fruits ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:2).  To me, to countless other participants, and to many observers, the fruits are good—good for the members, good for their families, good for their communities, and good for their nations.  Peter Drucker told a seminar at Harvard that “the Mormons are the only utopia that ever worked.”[16]  Whatever one may think of utopias, their participants make good neighbors.  The millions of dollars worth of supplies and services The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and its members are quietly and efficiently providing to repair the terrible tragedy in Haiti are evidence of that fact.  That effort is worthy of pride by its members and emulation by others.

As an apostle, I am called to be a witness of the doctrine and work and authority of Christ in all the world.  In that capacity I bear witness of the truth of these premises of our faith, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

[1] Gary Lawrence, How Americans View Mormonism (Parameter Foundation, Orange, Calif., 2008), p. 32.
[2] Id., at p. 34.
[3] Survey referenced id. at p. 42.
[4] “Conan Mocks Orrin Hatch and the Mormons,” Deseret News, December 16, 2009, C8.
[5] Lawrence, note 1, supra at p. 40.
[6] Lawrence, note 1, supra at p. 49.
[7] Thomas B. Griffith, “Mere Mormonism,” p, 8, a lecture sponsored by the Latter-day Saint Student Association at Harvard Law School, April 7, 2009, manuscript provided to author.
[8] Id., at p. 10.
[9] Discourses of Brigham Young, p. 247 [1978].
[10] Ibid.
[11] Teachings of the Presidents of the Church:  Joseph Smith, p. 195 (2007).
[12] Id., at 196.
[13] Id., at 132.
[14] Teachings, note 11, supra, at 195.
[15] Teachings, note 11 supra at pp. 207-16, 265-66.
[16] Quoted in Mark W. Cannon, “The Mormons are the Only Utopia that ever Worked,” Deseret News, January 13, 2010.

Richard Neitzel Holzapfel was amazed at how often Joseph Smith was identified as “the Seer” in John Whitmer’s record of the early history of the LDS Church. Whitmer wrote the record from 1831 to 1838. Holzapfel read the book to prepare for a class he was teaching at BYU’s Campus Education Week.

“Dozens and dozens of times as (Whitmer) was writing out this faithful history  — commanded (to be kept) by the Lord Jesus himself — he would say, ‘Joseph the Seer said,’ or ‘the revelation was given to Joseph the Seer,’” Holzapfel said. “It struck me that the early church members knew Joseph in a way in which, maybe, we don’t appreciate.”

Holzapfel, a professor of church history and doctrine at BYU, told the class at Education Week why Joseph was known as “the Seer” and why his use of a seer stone to receive revelations eventually ended.

“Joseph Smith’s story didn’t start in the Sacred Grove,” Holzapfel said. Joseph was identified as a seer long before he was born. The ancient Biblical patriarch, Joseph, prophesied, “A seer shall the Lord my God raise up, who shall be a choice seer unto the fruit of my loins” (2 Nephi 3:6).

“Imagine. What must it have been like for Joseph to translate this very passage and all-of-a-sudden dawn on him the he’s the choice seer?” Holzapfel said.

According to Holzapfel, the Book of Mormon teaches that a seer is someone who uses the seer stones (see Mosiah 8:13). The terms “seer stones” and “Urim and Thummim” were used interchangeably in early Mormon documents.

In the Old Testament, the Urim and Thummim were stones used for divining the will of God. Holzapfel indicated that these were the translators given to Joseph with the gold plates. Joseph also found another stone that became his seer stone.

When a historical record says that a revelation was given through the Urim and Thummim, Holzapfel said we can’t be sure if it was the Urim and Thummin Book of Mormon “translators” or the Prophet’s seer stone.

Richard Neitzel Holzapfel speaks at BYU education week. Photo by Michael De Groote

“The use of the seer stone constitutes you becoming a seer. But the purpose of the seer stone is to make you a seer,” Holzapfel said. “The instruments are not magic. They help us concentrate our faith so that we begin to receive confidence so that we can do the right thing.”

Holzapfel compared it loosely to a wedding ring or a CTR ring. The rings help some people remember their covenants or “choose the right.” But the rings do not help everybody. Some choose the wrong. There is nothing magic about the rings. “But those objects can be means to recall and remember and have faith,” he said. “But obviously the real purpose is to move beyond those objects to become that person that (doesn’t need the objects).”

This is what happened to Joseph.

Orson Pratt remembered watching Joseph Smith receive inspiration while reviewing the New Testament. He wondered why Joseph didn’t need the Urim and Thummin or seer stone like he did when he translated the Book of Mormon. “Joseph … looked up and explained that the Lord gave him the Urim and Thummim when he was inexperienced in the Spirit of inspiration,” Pratt said. “But now he had advanced so far that he understood the operations of that Spirit and did not need the assistance of that instrument.”

Joseph at first used the Urim and Thummim and/or the seer stone for translating the Book of Mormon. Holzapfel said that by the end of the Book of Mormon translation process, Joseph was no longer even using the plates in front of him. He was receiving the translation from the seer stone directly. It wasn’t much longer before Joseph did not even need the seer stone to receive revelation.

Joseph Smith was taught by the Lord and grew in spiritual maturity. This is why, according to Holzapfel, Joseph was called the choice seer. “He wasn’t a person who used the seer stone. He became a seer stone.”

H. Wallace Goddard is a son, a husband, a dad, and a grandpa. He works as a Family Life Specialist for the University of Arkansas Extension Service in Little Rock and has written several books and programs including The Frightful and Joyous Journey of Family Life (Bookcraft) and Principles of Parenting (Alabama Cooperative Extension System). He claims to be living proof that a person who makes lots of mistakes can still be blessed with joy beyond any deserving.

Surrender in Order to Conquer

Life is filled with paradoxes. For example, the last will be first. The humble will be exalted. Our natural ways make us enemies to our Creator. We must lose ourselves in order to find ourselves. By submitting we become strong. The servant of all will become the Master of all. By giving we receive. We must die in order to live eternally.

There is a contradiction that has been of particular interest to me lately. We are repeatedly enjoined to become “as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father” (Mosiah 3:19, c.f. Alma 7:23, Alma 13:28).

Further, the Master of all Creation was also its most submissive citizen. “Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise” (John 5:19, also John 5:30, 8:28).

In contrast to the commandment to submit, is the commandment to “be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness. For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves” (D&C 58:27-8). How do we reconcile total submission to God with “being agents unto themselves”?

Submission does not come easily for me. I have considered it cause for rejoicing as I have learned to submit my rather independent will to God in some areas of my life. So, sitting in a high council meeting feeling as misplaced as a smoldering cigarette at a bishopric meeting, I have been tempted to resign my post. But I know in my soul that that is not how we do business in the kingdom. “In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter?day Saints, one takes the place to which one is duly called, which place one neither seeks nor declines” (J. Reuben Clark).

I see clearly that I neither call myself nor release myself. God offers no guarantees that we will enjoy each minute of our callings. He does not even guarantee that all our callings will perfectly utilize our gifts and preferences. After all, He is more committed to our growth than He is in need of our contribution. So He directs our lives according to His absolute resolve to enlarge us and perfect us.

So I continue to serve on the high council. As I serve, God shows me ways to be useful. I offer my gifts and perspectives to the council. I gladly testify of Divine Goodness in the units of the Little Rock Stake. I try to enjoy meetings. But you can be sure that I will rejoice if I ever get to teach Gospel Essentials again!

Submission vs. Proactivity

I have wondered if one way to reconcile submission with proactivity is to suggest that we submit our purposes entirely to God while using our agency to determine the processes for bringing about His perfect purposes. In other words, He determines the ends and we choose the means.

Nephi may be an example of that principle. He did not know how God would hook him and his brothers up with the brass plates. For the first attempt, Laman went and reasoned with Laban. He was chased off. Then the little band offered the family wealth in exchange for the plates. Laban took the wealth and dispatched the brothers. Even after two failures, Nephi was not deterred. He still did not know God’s plan for getting the records but he was determined to keep trying. He snuck into town at night for the third attempt. He “was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which [he] should do” (1 Nephi 4:6). It must take a lot of faith to head back into town without a plan. Nephi pushed forward. God put Laban in his hands.

While Nephi used every stratagem that came to his mind, ultimately it was God who delivered Laban into his hands. Maybe that is true for us also. We qualify for God’s blessings as we put our creativity and style in the service of God’s work.

Another interesting example is the brother of Jared whom the Lord instructed to build a barge that would transport his people to the new world. The Lord gave very clear instructions about the general objective. He even gave specific instructions on certain subjects—such as general design of the barges and their ventilation—where our shipbuilder could not succeed without expert help. But God allowed the brother of Jared to make recommendation for lighting the craft: “What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels?” (Ether 2:23) asked the Lord.

Aligned With God’s Will

With both Nephi and the brother of Jared, God gave clear purposes and some specific processes, but allowed His servant to find some methods. “And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward” (D&C 58:28, emphasis added). If our purposes are aligned with God’s will, i.e., if we are determined to “do good,” He grants us freedom to find a method.

Would God have allowed the brother of Jared to use glow-in-the-dark pomegranates or a burning bush? Perhaps. Maybe God inspired the choice of 16 clear stones for symbolic purposes. It appears in the record that it was purely the brother of Jared’s choice.

It seems that when we have no desire but to do God’s will, we are sometimes granted freedom to find the means for accomplishing His purposes. It is intriguing to imagine what elements of Jesus’ remarkable ministry represent the unique style of His sweet soul. Even though He followed His Father’s example perfectly, His choice of which acts to emulate must somehow represent the great goodness of His inestimable Character!

So, when we prove our devotion to God’s purpose, He grants us more freedom to choose the means to accomplish those purposes. There is another way of looking at this. Maybe it is a matter of spiritual maturity. As we demonstrate our commitment to His purposes, He delegates more and more of His responsibility and power to us. Can you imagine The Creator of Heaven and Earth saying to us, “I would like you to take charge of this part of my vineyard.”?!

That is what He does when he gives a deacon the power to pass the sacrament or a woman stewardship over a newborn or a bishop responsibility for a ward. But there is a feeling that comes as one starts to feel the power. I thought I saw that great power when I heard President Biliter, a beloved counselor in our stake presidency, tell about the joy he experiences any time he has an opportunity to give a blessing. “The thrill is being able to be a part of the miracle—even if only in the capacity of messenger. We get to intercede in behalf of a brother or sister and call down the blessings of heaven. That is the miracle of the priesthood process. I am in awe that Heavenly Father allows us to be instruments in that process.” Giving blessings in the name of the Lord provides a unique opportunity for partnership with God. Perhaps we provide the style and God directs the substance.

Consecration

Somehow this all connects to the principle of consecration. When we turn everything we have over to the kingdom, the Kingdom becomes ours. As we turn our lives over to Him, He turns His power over to us! What wonderful examples of heavenly generosity!

I must admit that I still do not have a tidy answer for reconciling total submission to God with being agents unto ourselves. But I know that when I have no desire but to do His will, He opens the way for me to be uniquely myself and yet uniquely His. May we surrender all that we have and all that we are to God and thereby “inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths” (D&C 132:19).

Stephanie Smith received an MPA at Harvard University and worked her way up in the CIA to become Director of Support, managing the largest directorate in the organization. For 25 years she was at the highest level of the senior executive cadre managing intelligence, public diplomacy and defense —but for Stephanie, something was missing.

Before Conversion (BC)
So let’s go back in time a bit – to the period I’ll call  “BC” – Before conversion.  Let me begin with a clear view of my “before” picture.  I had been raised by tremendous, faithful Catholic parents who scrimped and saved to send me to a Catholic school.  I believed in God, in Jesus Christ, and in the Catholic notion of the trinity.  I understood the Ten Commandments.  I knew very clearly what sin was.

I went to mass every Sunday. That was a 45-minute ritual for me.  It was part of my routine, like going to the gym, except it took less time and required nothing of me but attendance.  I never read the scriptures independently; I never volunteered for my church; I never fully tithed; and in fact, I didn’t know the names of more than 2 parishioners at St. Michael’s in Annandale, where I went to church for 20 years.  And I only knew those names because I worked with them.

Given this remarkably weak spiritual foundation, you probably won’t be surprised to learn that in my adult years, I transgressed very far from the commandments of my Heavenly Father.

Now if you looked at my adult years from a secular perspective – sort of like looking at my resume – you might be impressed.  But you should not be fooled.

To be sure, I’ve achieved a fair measure of secular success, but with it came a very coarse way of life.  I was a very hard-driving person, I believed in achieving my goals at all costs.  And I did what it took to get there first:  if it meant working 7 days a week, up to 18 hours a day, I did so. If it meant immersing myself in professional ambitions at the expense of my husband, I did so. If it meant adopting the language of a blasphemer, I did so.  If it meant trampling on the feelings of others, I did so. If it meant breaking promises, I often did so. If it meant engaging in gossip, plotting, and office politics I did that too.

And the results were actually pretty astounding:  I was often the “first” woman in my field to achieve something; I was promoted at a speed that astounded even me.  And in the process, I came to live by a standard that is really pretty troubling  when I look back on it and see it clearly now:  Get there first, and clean up your road-kill later.

Along the way, I committed sins of pride, arrogance, ego, envy, greed, and great, great vanity. I took up the worst ways of the world. To make matters worse, I rationalized my sins.  I reasoned that some of what I did really wasn’t a sin, because others did it too. Or it wasn’t a sin because I faced unique pressures and temptations.

Brothers and sisters, among Satan’s arsenal of weapons of mass destruction, I can tell you that rationalization is the most powerful.

Every once in a while, I told myself I would change and do better. But always that improvement was put on the back-burner until the next career goal was achieved.

My disturbing logic might well remind you of the passage in Alma, Chapter 5, verse 37:

O ye workers of iniquity; ye that are puffed up in the vain things of the world, ye that have professed to have known the ways of righteousness nevertheless have gone astray, as sheep having no shepherd, notwithstanding a shepherd hath called after you and is still calling after you, but ye will not hearken unto his voice!

Let me assure you that if you had observed me during a typical work day, you would never have been able to tell I was a Christian.  By 2005, riding a wave of success that was built on compromised values and sheer exhaustion, I’m not sure I recognized myself as a Christian, either.

In that year, I began the pinnacle job of my career at CIA, as Director for Support.   I was the first woman to hold that job.  It was the biggest leadership job of my life.  I had the best office at CIA Hqs, with all due respect to Director Panetta.  And I worked very, very hard.

Yet even as I was enjoying tremendous secular success, my world was starting to crack.  Within 2 months of taking that job, I landed in the hospital for 4 days with a nasty gastric problem and severe exhaustion, after working nearly 20 hours a day for far too many days in a row.  But things got worse from there.

By the spring of 2006, CIA was embroiled in the usual stew of lurid headlines, and I found myself for the first time ever near the center of that storm – as two of my esteemed colleagues – men of enormous worldly achievement – fell into personal crises that resulted in their firings, a huge amount of media glare, and the beginning of a three-year criminal investigation that would require me to serve as a Government witness, and that resulted in a jail term for one of these  colleagues.

Their crises were horrifying for me. But when God gives us a crisis, He also grants us an opportunity. And so it was with me. I began to inspect my own life pretty thoroughly, and I saw that I had fallen far from grace. I was forced to acknowledge that I was not simply a person who gave into sin every now and again.  I had become a profoundly sinful person. I no longer knew what I believed or who I believed in. But I knew my life was shattering into a million jagged pieces.

Calling a Colleague

Then, and only then, did I turn to God.  Feeling quite uncertain, I called a colleague I very much admired who was a member of the Church.  Looking back, I believe that one of the reasons I called him – rather than dialing a Catholic priest  – had a lot to do with who he was as a person, but it also had a bit to do with Gordon B. Hinckley. Let me digress to explain:  several years earlier, during the Salt Lake Olympics, I was on a night flight overseas, and I picked up a news magazine that had the Olympics splashed across its front pages.

My husband will tell you I am no fan of the Olympics, but I was prompted to pick up the magazine for some reason and read a story about the Mormons.  I’m sure it explained Mormon doctrine, but the only thing I really remember is that the President of the church, this fellow Gordon B. Hinckley, was asked why so many people were turning to the LDS faith after 9/11, and President Hinckley said it was because they were looking for something “solid, strong, and true.” I’m not quite sure why those three words made such an impression on me back then, but I wrote them down on a scrap of paper and stuffed them into my wallet, where they remained in 2006.

So in 2006, in a state of crisis, I reached out to my Mormon colleague. His response to me consisted of two simple messages:  first, he told me that my Heavenly Father knows me by name and loves me for who I am.  And second, he told me that Heavenly Father has a plan for my success – but not success as I had come to define it. The next day he sent me hand-drawn directions to the DC Temple Visitors Center.

I share this with you because he did not teach me the gospel, he didn’t explain what Mormons believe, he didn’t ask a single question of me.  Instead, he gave me two clear messages about Heavenly Father’s love for me, and he drew me a map.  Looking back on it, I’d say those were pretty much the only things I needed to take on this journey.

Missionary Visit

Soon after I went to the Visitor’s Center, two missionaries visited my home.  Several people in this room know that the first time Sister McDonald and Sister Clark landed on my doorstep, I was mortified.  They were so young and innocent I had no idea how I would explain my troubled and headstrong life.  I figured they would never be able to relate.  They began our meeting by asking me if they could sing for me.  They sang “I Am a Child of God.” From that moment on I was captivated. It became irrelevant whether they could relate to me.  I began relating to them, and to the profoundly joyful message they shared.

I took lessons throughout the summer and fall of 2006. At first, my husband Bill  had no knowledge of this and I was afraid he and my entire family would think I was crazy if I even mentioned it.  I was running a covert operation. When he finally met the good sisters, he was immediately captivated as well. He is an investigator of this church, and a true friend to every missionary.

The good sisters paired with me several Saints at Annandale Ward who studied with me for the next 6 months. I struggled mightily to accept what they were telling me.  I struggled to believe the Book of Mormon was an authentic testament of Jesus Christ.  I struggled with the seemingly fantastical account of Joseph Smith’s vision. Everyone patiently answered my questions and encouraged me to read and pray and know for myself.  There was no pressure, no coercion, no hard sell.

I cannot tell you for certain the first time I actually came to know that these teachings were true, but I recall one early clear moment that crystallizes so much.  One evening I was hurriedly reading my missionary homework when I was stopped cold by Amulek’s great exhortation on prayer that can be found in Alma 34, and in particular, verse 26:

… “Ye must pour out your souls in your closets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.”

I realized then that Amulek was speaking directly to me, because I was definitely in a wilderness and I definitely needed to pour my heart out.   From that simple passage, I came to know for certain the Book of Mormon was true. I knew it was of God.  My testimony of the Book of Mormon was so strong that my other questions fell away.

If you ever doubt that members and missionaries can change a life, let me offer my testimony.  I could not have made it this far – in fact, I do not believe I could have survived the summer of 2006 — without those young missionaries.  But it was important for me to also learn and fellowship with members. I saw by their example that this was a faith that could be practiced.  It could be lived each day, in the world as it is — in a world of work, commercialism, temptations, and distractions.

Of course a part of the journey I needed to take on my own. That part was repentance. That is the hardest part of the journey, as you know.  It is also a continuing journey. My first prayers as an investigator were awkward and child-like, and began something like this, “Heavenly Father, I know you already know that I’ve made a mess of everything, but let me just tell you about all of it anyway.”  There were times – and there still are – when my prayers amount to pleading for forgiveness, for guidance, and to be restored to a “clean heart and right spirit,” as Psalm 51 describes.

I was baptized in January 2007, supported by my entire family, who were happy that I found peace.  My baptism was joyful and comforting beyond measure.
But conversion is a process. The Bible dictionary tells us that conversion is a conscious acceptance of the will of God.  I also find the secular dictionary definition illuminating:  it tells us that to convert is to change or to turn around. I like to think conversion is not simply about turning your life around but turning toward something more powerful than you – literally, the will of God.

So now let me tell you a little bit of what has happened “AC” – after conversion.

After Conversion

Let me say clearly:  I did not magically change after conversion and baptism.  I still struggle with vanity, pride, and ego.   My conversion was not like the flipping of a miraculous light switch.

In truth, it has been better than that.  For me, conversion has been more like an incandescent light that began slowly, almost imperceptibly, deep within me.  The light gave off warmth, but I had to recognize it. Sometimes that feeling of warmth comes unexpectedly; at other times, it comes when I feel stressed, panicked, uncertain.  I have come to know that this light is the Holy Ghost, and that I must fuel the light with prayer, scripture reading, and obedience.

Fueling that light has not been easy, however.  A central irony of my life, brothers and sisters, is that my post-conversion years have been the least successful chapter of my life thus far, if you judge only by conventional measures. Ironically, when I was living a faithless life, I was immensely successful – at the top of my professional game, with more friends and associates than hours in a day.

That changed abruptly.  A new leadership team came into power at CIA in late 2006, and my tenure came to an end. Because of my seniority, I had no next job at CIA, so I sat jobless in an isolated office for 5 months, trying to figure out what to do next.

I had to rebuild my life brick by brick, precept by precept – aided by the gospel and a wonderful community of believers and doers.  I found work in two other government agencies – State Department and the mighty US Navy – and started fresh – without credentials, friends, or peers. This experience turned out to be a tremendous blessing.

I also came to realize that Heavenly Father cleared my calendar for another kind of mission:  His work. Heavenly Father needed to get my attention by silencing some of the noise in my life, so that I could finally hearing him calling to me.

I should also share that many colleagues whom I thought to be friends no longer speak with me. Perhaps for some it is because I am no longer in a position of seniority.  But in some cases, I came to understand they were struggling to fathom my conversion to this church.  I can understand this, because I was the most unlikely Mormon in the world—at 10 cups of coffee a day!  I’ve actually heard 3 explanations for my conversion:

• First, and most obvious, I am having a midlife crisis.
• Then I heard I ran off with a Mormon guy and he forced me to convert. This will come as news to Bill!
• A third explanation – and this one is really priceless – is that somehow, back in 2006 when I first began investigating the church, I figured out that Mitt Romney would run for President in 2008, so I became a Mormon as a way to jockey for a key place in his Administration. You can see that people ascribe great predictive powers to me!

So it’s fair to say that a lot of the people around me believe I have LOST IT.

But it is my pleasure, my joy, and my duty to tell them that I HAVE FOUND IT.

So what have I found?

I have found the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.  A gospel of pure love and abiding hope.

I have found the blessing, the peace and the safety of the temple.

I have found my place in a vibrant community of believers – brothers and sisters who nurture and inspire me and move me to tears on a regular basis.

I have found that repentance is hard, but it is possible and miraculous.

I have found that when we are serving others, we are healing ourselves.

I have found a living faith that compels more of its members than attendance….a faith that is solid, strong, and true.

It is fair to say that every conversion journey is unique. But for some converts, like me, that journey includes a fair amount of internal churning and turbulence. We do not join the church because the choice is easy or obvious. It is the most important decision we will make, and many, like me, make the decision without family members joining us.  So the decision can be isolating.

Ultimately, I joined the church because I could no longer deny the truth of the restored gospel and I could no longer sustain the dead weight of my old self. In my mind, that is the deepest definition of true conversion:  the undeniable reality that we must abandon the old self and give birth to the new self. And with that birth, most assuredly, comes labor pains.  Those pains are like the process by which a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. That metamorphosis takes place almost invisibly to the human eye, so it can seem quite natural, seamless, and graceful.   But in truth, that process is highly tumultuous. The caterpillar’s structure is basically broken down – reduced only to its basic nutrients — all else is stripped away.  But from that difficult process – and only as a result of that process — a butterfly emerges.

Today I know that the work of the gospel — the goal of aspiring to Christ-like obedience and service — is a work for all of us. We are all called to this life.  A  life of faith, obedience, and service is rarely convenient, however.   But it a life  aglow – literally incandescent – with purpose.

So, my first ascent took me to the top of an organizational chart, and that view was not all that it was cracked up to be.  My second ascent, which has only just begun, gives me an even better view — of eternity. There are no organization charts, offices, or parking spaces with this ascent.  We travel much lighter when we travel with Heavenly Father.

If you are investigating this church, I humbly encourage you to pray to know the truth. Search the scriptures. I bear you my testimony that you will come to know  for yourself.

If you are a member, please take the time to understand, and embrace, the evolving butterflies among you.  The impacts of their metamorphosis may not be fully visible to you, but believe me, they need you.

Now that you know more about me than you wanted to know, it is my turn – as a trained intelligence professional — to ask you:

What is your conversion story?
Have you thought deeply about your own journey of faith?
What do you believe, and why do you believe it?
If you have not yet begun this journey, what are you waiting for?  If you are not turning to the will of God, what are you turning to instead?  If you are not seeking to live eternally with Heavenly Father and your families, what are you seeking instead?  As we account for our days, it really is true that some things are simply more important than others.

Brothers and sisters, my heart is joyful as I declare to you that I know this gospel is true and this church is true. I know our Savior died for me, and his Atonement is powerful enough for all of us.  THIS IS WHY I BELIEVE.

James E. Faust

After many years, I still remember holding in my hand my mother’s copy of her favorite book. It was a timeworn copy of the Book of Mormon. Almost every page was marked. In spite of tender handling, some of the leaves were dog-eared and the cover was worn thin. No one had to tell her that she could get closer to God by reading the Book of Mormon than by any other book. She was already there. She had read it, studied it, prayed over it, and taught from it. As a young man I held her book in my hands and tried to see, through her eyes, the great truths of the Book of Mormon to which she so readily testified and which she so greatly loved.

But the Book of Mormon did not yield its profound message to me as an unearned legacy. Indeed I question whether one can acquire an understanding of this great book except through singleness of mind and strong purpose of heart, manifest through study and prayer. We must not only ask if it is true, but we must also ask in the name of Jesus Christ. Said Moroni, “Ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.” 1

Why a Keystone?

Joseph Smith, who translated the gold plates from which the Book of Mormon came, had this to say: “I told the brethren that the Book of Mormon was the most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion, and a man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book.” 2

One dictionary defines keystone as “the central wedge-shaped stone of an arch that locks its parts together.” A secondary definition is “the central supporting element of a whole.” 3

The Book of Mormon is a keystone because it establishes and ties together eternal principles and precepts, rounding out basic doctrines of salvation. It is the crowning gem in the diadem of our holy scriptures.

It is a keystone for other reasons also. In the promise of Moroni previously referred to—namely, that God will manifest the truth of the Book of Mormon to every sincere inquirer having faith in Christ 4—we have a key link in a self-locking chain.

A confirming testimony of the Book of Mormon convinces “that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God” 5 and also spiritually verifies the divine calling of Joseph Smith and that he did see the Father and the Son. With that firmly in place, it logically follows that one can also receive a verification that the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price are true companion scriptures to the Bible and the Book of Mormon.

All of this confirms the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the divine mission of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, led by a living prophet enjoying continuous revelation. From these basic verities, an understanding can flow of other saving principles of the fulness of the gospel.

What It Is and Is Not

It is important to know what the Book of Mormon is not. It is not primarily a history, although much of what it contains is historical. The title page states that it is an account taken from the records of people living in the Americas before and after Christ; it was “written by way of commandment, and also by the spirit of prophecy and of revelation. … And also to the convincing of the Jew and Gentile that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God, manifesting himself unto all nations.”

President George Q. Cannon (1827–1901), First Counselor in the First Presidency, stated: “The Book of Mormon is not a geographical primer. It was not written to teach geographical truths. What is told us of the situation of the various lands or cities … is usually simply an incidental remark connected with the doctrinal or historical portions of the work.” 6

What, then, is the Book of Mormon? It is confirming evidence of the birth, life, and Crucifixion of Jesus and of His work as the Messiah and the Redeemer. Nephi writes about the Book of Mormon: “All ye ends of the earth, hearken unto these words and believe in Christ; and if ye believe not in these words believe in Christ. And if ye shall believe in Christ ye will believe in these words, for they are the words of Christ.” 7

Nephi and his brother Jacob join with Isaiah to constitute three powerful pre-Messianic voices proclaiming the first coming of Jesus. Nephi quotes Isaiah extensively because Isaiah was the principal Old Testament prophet who prophesied of the coming of the Messiah.

The Book of Mormon establishes the truthfulness of the Bible. 8 It is evidence “to the world that the holy scriptures are true.” 9 It foretells the establishment of the fulness of the gospel of peace and salvation. It was written to give us principles and guidelines for our eternal journey.

One of the ultimate messages of the Book of Mormon, and indeed of the Old Testament and all human history, is that mankind cannot reach perfection on our own. There is another message that comes through loud and clear from its pages. It is the often unpopular and seemingly harsh injunction “Repent or perish.” When the Book of Mormon people listened to this prophetic message, they flourished. When they forgot the message, they perished.

In Galatians Paul said, “The law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ.” 10 The records maintained by the Book of Mormon prophets—and portions of what is now the Bible brought from the eastern continent—served, according to Abinadi, “to keep them in remembrance of God and their duty towards him.” 11 So the Book of Mormon is a schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ. 12

Scriptural and Personal Testimonies

The test for understanding this sacred book is preeminently spiritual. An obsession with secular knowledge rather than spiritual understanding will make its pages difficult to unlock.

To me it is inconceivable that Joseph Smith, without divine help, could have written this complex and profound book. There is no way that an unlearned young frontiersman could have fabricated the great truths contained in the book, generated its great spiritual power, or falsified the testimony of Christ that it contains. The book itself testifies that it is the holy word of God.

References to teachings in the Old Testament and the New Testament are so numerous and overwhelming throughout the Book of Mormon that one can come to a definitive conclusion by logic that a human intellect could not have conceived of them all. But more important than logic is the confirmation by the Holy Spirit that the story of the Book of Mormon is true.

All scriptures are one in that they testify of Jesus. Jacob, a Book of Mormon prophet, reminds us “that none of the prophets have written, nor prophesied, save they have spoken concerning this Christ.”13 Speaking of the scriptures, the Psalmist said, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” 14

The Book of Mormon will encourage only righteousness. Why, then, has hostility been engendered against the book? In part, no doubt, it may have come because the origin of the book was from golden plates delivered to Joseph Smith by an angel. These were seen and handled by selected witnesses but not put on public display. Perhaps hostility comes also because the book is claimed to be primarily the work of ancient prophets here on the American continent.

The Savior Himself declared the great worth of the Book of Mormon. He said in 3 Nephi, “This is my doctrine, and it is the doctrine which the Father hath given unto me.” 15

The Redeemer further declared in the Book of Mormon, “Behold I have given unto you my gospel.” 16

As a special witness, I testify that Jesus is the Christ and that Nephi’s and Isaiah’s prophecies of His coming have in fact been fulfilled. Like Nephi, “we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ.” 17

I testify through the sure conviction that springs from the witness of the Spirit that it is possible to know things that have been revealed with greater certainty than by actually seeing them. We can have a more absolute knowledge than eyes can perceive or ears can hear. God Himself has put His approval on the Book of Mormon, having said, “As your Lord and your God liveth it is true.” 18

I can now see more clearly through the eyes of my own understanding what my mother could see in her precious old worn-out copy of the Book of Mormon. I pray that we may live in such a way as to merit and gain a testimony of and abide by the great truths of the Book of Mormon. I testify that the keystone of our religion is solidly in place, bearing the weight of truth as it moves through all the earth.

Questions about the purpose of life springing up like crocuses

by Karen R. Merkley

Lacking Some Key to the Universe: Searching for Truth
I still remember standing at the top of the stairs as a child wondering who I was and why I was on the earth. I hungered for that knowledge like no other, and I felt spiritually starved. I attended Catholic Church but asked what to them were unanswerable questions. I posed a few like these: “Well, who lived in heaven and took part in that war besides Jesus? (If there was a war in heaven, as taught, then there had to have been more than two people there, I reasoned.); Why do I have to confess the same sins twice?” and “How can God and Jesus be the same person?” I lived as if on a daily spiritual fare of milk and toast, not knowing there was a buffet table divinely set and beckoning me.

Questions about the purpose of life sprung up as consistently as crocuses do in spring, any time I was willing to allow them to pop through the soil of my soul. At one particular point in my life, I began to despair that I would never know my purpose or the answers to the questions of my heart. Without those answers, the desire to live waned. The world looked cold and senseless. How could I function from day to day without knowing ‘why’ I was functioning? I couldn’t tick if I didn’t know why I was ticking.

Lacking some key to the universe, I sat despondently on the edge of my studio bed, staring at a bottle of sleeping pills. I thought about my circumstances. I had little impetus for moving forward from day to day. I was tired of fumbling for house keys in the cold, of working for work’s sake, of studying theories spilled over in classes without a rod to evaluate them. So I planned to take my life. Just before popping the pills, though, my efforts were aborted– by a gentle but profound strain of impressions from a loving Father through what I now recognize as His Spirit. I was told, through those welcome whisperings, that “every moment of love and every moment of discovery in my life had not been wasted” and that I “must have the courage to live on.” I was also told, in fact spiritually guaranteed, that I would find the purpose of life. I accepted with confidence those impressions though I didn’t quite comprehend their appearance on the screen of my soul.

Receiving a Spiritual Witness
I spent the next months contemplating my life. On one remarkable occasion, as I was jogging around the neighborhood under the exquisite light of a full moon, I received what I can only describe as an injection of truth–a stunning, indelible witness that God lived. I recall sitting down on the curb, sobbing, tears of joy. I was changed instantly. I felt loved and I felt an overwhelming inclination to love like never before. I knew there was a God which thing I hadn’t known for myself just moments before. I knew, at last, I had a purpose. This was so delicious to taste. I longed to know more about God , his plan for me and my duty and responsibility towards Him and others.

So Which Church is True?
I borrowed a Bible from a Catholic Church, lay out in the field behind their rectory, and read through the New Testament for the first time. I marveled that this book had been preserved for me– and anyone else looking for truth. I particularly recall pondering the word, ’saved” and the atonement of Christ. I was filled to know that the Lord, who had just literally saved my life physically, had also died to save me spiritually. I knew that I had an advocate in whom I could completely trust.

I then began to identify and list in my trusty silver notebook, points of doctrine Christ had espoused and the characteristics of his Church. I learned much from that first scriptural immersion. But three ideas particularly prepared me for the fullness of the gospel. First, I knew that we could become perfect even as God is, for the Savior Himself taught the doctrine of perfection to his apostles as recorded in Matthew 12:48. Second, I anticipated more revelation than the Bible for the Lord told His apostles (in Mark) that there was more to be revealed that they were not ready to bear. Third, I embraced the truth that there was only one, true way to salvation as the scriptures indicated: “one faith, one baptism.” In fact, I envisioned a time when all quarrels among churches would end, and all denominations would be subsumed under the one true church. I decided to begin a search for the true Church, thinking, again, that it was, likely, not on the earth. After visits to dozens of churches–from Swedenborgian to Methodist–and reading through many books and pamphlets, comparing their teachings with those I learned in the scriptures, I always came up empty. No one, it seemed, scored on every point. There was always some disappointing deviation from what I learned from the scriptures to anticipate in Christ’s Church.

Finding Truth in the Strangest of Places
On another investigative visit to the Baptist Church, I found myself, again, disappointed. This time, I was on the brink of abandoning my quest altogether. It was too painful to think that so many who professed the Christ did not know the full truth about Him or about the ways He indicated we should administer his ordinances. Just then, on my way out of the building, I discovered an “anti-Mormon” brochure on a rack in the vestibule. As I was in the habit of collecting whatever I could grasp on various religions, I clasped it eagerly and tucked it away to read at home. When I arrived at the Baptist minister’s home, where I was a guest, I began to devour this pamphlet. I read eagerly some of the claims of the Church, namely, that we could become more and more perfect as the Savior; that there was additional revelation than the Bible (something called a Book of Mormon and Doctrine and Covenants); that there was a code of health (which I ‘d anticipated through the Spirit); and more. The critical comments seemed superfluous, and I recognized those “Mormon” claims as true from my own reading of the New Testament.

I was electrified and knew I had found something more than a kernel of truth. I searched for a Book of Mormon and found one in a small library in Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania and took it home with a half gallon of ice cream. I dipped into both that night and hardly slept. I knew it was true. Before I found the book, I located in a different library a file of pamphlets on the purpose of life left by a missionary whom I do not know but will one day kiss. In there, I found the purpose of life clearly explained. It thrilled me and I barely contained my emotion. It was all I could do to refrain from squeezing the whispering librarians stacking the shelves .I recognized it immediately as the truth.

I eventually called the Church and entered the waters of baptism a short time later. And I must say that I feel like I’ve been eating lobster tails in drawn butter since. But this is all to provide a context for me to share one particular morsel of that feast with you here, one that pertains to the joyful delicious experience of partaking in family history and temple blessings.

Family History: A Pioneer Trek
With a maiden name of “Trifiletti” (rhymes with “spaghetti” in case you’re tripping over it!), you can probably guess my Italian-American roots. After joining the Church and serving my mission to Germany, I moved to Salt Lake City. I hoped that I would be able to find out more about my Italian ancestors. I guess you could say, “I tried on my pair of pioneer shoes.” I started out with a blank pedigree but willing and anxious feet. Yet, after hours of original research and sending dozens of letters to and from many organizations in search of family clues, and after many visits to the Salt Lake Family History Library waiting for needed films to arrive from Italy, I was not much further along in my search. I looked at my empty pedigree and longed to have it filled in–to know my family, to help them have the saving ordinances of the gospel, which I had found in 1980. Yet, my own efforts proved insufficient to complete my family’s work. I had packed up but gotten nowhere, it seemed. I guess it was a spiritual Winter-Quarters experience.

A Breakthrough
After additional fasting and prayer, I knew it was time for a breakthrough. That assurance came one Sunday afternoon when, besieged by a trail of family history papers sprawled over the kitchen table, I felt overawed and directionless. Leaving the papers as they were, I retired to the living room and sat down on the couch. I wept. Seeking some comfort, I opened what seemed like a heavy volume of scripture in my hands to the following verse in 1 Nephi 17:

And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments, ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led. (13).

This verse penetrated me. I thought to myself, “If ever I were in a wilderness, it certainly was now.” I was lost in a circuitous paperwork trail and what seemed insurmountable obstacles in a barren land of information. Through and in that wilderness, I felt the Savior’s promise–that He would be my light out. Through His words, I knew that He would guide me through the trail of my confusing notes to the “promised land”–to the temple, the place where my ancestors would receive their gospel ordinances and promised blessings and where I, too, would be filled with joy for them. Those pioneer shoes had their vision and hope restored of reaching the promised land and making it across the wilderness.

The Lord, of course, kept His word. I returned to the kitchen and began to review my files and notes. It was as if certain pieces of information were highlighted, and I knew what steps I needed to take to secure further information about my relatives. I wrote continuously for about twenty minutes until I had a full list of things to do, in order, to pursue the work. It was clear. I knew the direction was divine. From that point on, at every step of the way, the Spirit has told me either what to do or what to ask next in my spiritual journey to find my family. I have never been in a quandary since regarding the sequence of steps to take to continue this family history work. At last, I could breathe, “All is well. All is well.”

Finding Filippo and Concetta: Two Miracles
I was then elated to find the Italian microfilms I’d been waiting for. I remember finding my grandfather Filippo first. It was on his birthday when I first felt so compelled to make this pioneer journey back in time to piece together my family history. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I ran my hand over and over the film, feeling close to him. In fact, whenever I looked at films from then on, I felt as if I were walking through the streets of Italy or through a stake directory in another part of the world. I felt a warmth and closeness with these people as if I’d known them.

I remember the day I was looking for his wife, my grandmother, Maria Concetta Pastore. The films were worn and worm-eaten. The writing looked like invisible ink in many places–only the imprints were visible on some pages. I scrolled forward to the estimated year of her birth. The writing was illegible. I was discouraged–as if my handcart had broken. I had an impression. It was to return to the beginning of the film and to look for other relatives first.

I spent four afternoons doing this. On the last day, in the middle of a record, another impression came. “Look for your grandmother now.” I scrolled forward to the same bleak and musty pages I’d been to four days prior. My eyes were led to the bottom left hand corner of the page where I saw ever faintly engraved, ” Maria Concetta Pastore.” Had I not spent hours reading the front pages of that roll of film, I never would have had the capacity to discern the writing on the page on which my grandmother was listed. I felt her presence as I served as proxy for her in the temple and received a sure witness that she accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ and her ordinance work. Now I seemed to reach the valley of delight. My shoes were worn, but well worn. I was glad for every small pioneer step I had been privileged to take.

Wearing these shoes—doing this work–has altered the quality of my life forever. The richest fullest blessings attend family history and temple work–a joy that overrides the frustrations and vicissitudes of life. I still get frustrated occasionally when my lawnmower runs out of gas five minutes into the lawn, or when another pair of little shoes turns up missing, or when my body fat percentage isn’t precisely where I’d like it, but these minor frustrations pale in comparison to the joy I feel in my life. I find that the Lord orders my days better than I ever can when I spend prime time doing the prime work of the kingdom. My knowledge of Him and His plan has increased. And I know my confidence in Him continues to wax strong as I stay involved in it.

Carlomino Over My Shoulder
On another special occasion, I was looking at some additional films for the Bello line of our family who are from a small town outside Naples, called Pietraroia, Italy. I found a great-great grandfather but once again could not read his name. I prayed and waited for my eyes to be opened to it. I told Heavenly Father that I knew He knew the name of this person and that this person knew his own name and that I had faith that either one of them could reveal it to me. I sincerely asked that it might be revealed so this work could be done and so I could carry on with the line. Still I could not make it out. But after receiving a feeling of peace, I left the library, went home, attended to my family and retired for the night. The next morning, I was awakened from my sleep by a voice (though not audible) speaking the word, “Carlomino.” I woke up partially and wondered what it was that I heard–it sounded familiar to me. And then I heard the name again: “Carlomino.” Of all of the thousands of Italian names I had by then read, I had never before heard the name, “Carlomino.” I then realized whose it was. I woke my husband and told him what had happened. I dressed, ran over to the family history center, returned to the film I’d been working on, and looked again. Sure enough–the name I was unable to read the day before was “Carlomino.” Tears came. I knew he delighted in my joy and in my awareness of him. I have since felt so close to him. He and others who’ve seemed to hover over my shoulder as I’ve searched the past have given me strength; they inspired the lyrics of a song that I call “Redeeming Love.”

And then I reached the promised land–the opportunity to offer family the ordinances of salvation–to know that someone administering in the spirit world would unlock the gate of their prison and set them free. Since my family is from a small town in Italy, where people lived for generations, I have been able to secure the names of hundreds of my ancestors and serve as proxy while they receive their ordinances. The time in the temple has been exquisite, full of joy and personal insights on many levels. But beyond that, it has been wonderful to share the temple experiences with others in our ward and stake. It was thrilling in June of 1998 when the youth of the Sandy East Stake were able to serve as proxies for the baptisms of our Italian ancestors. It has been wonderful to share with them this purest of joys–for which there are many counterfeits in their world.

Thinness of the Veil
Since that time, I have felt the closeness of my ancestors. Where I once felt alone in joining the Church, I now feel I’ve an entourage of friends and family around me at various times. I have noticed that there is less and less contention in my home. I know without doubt that they are teaching and influencing my children. I have witnessed their protection of myself and of my children on several occasions. And I have felt a hedge of protection around my home–it is as if guarded by angels–those whom I have been privileged to serve. I no longer fear being alone in my home at night–or any other time. These blessings have attended this great work.

I remember another specific occasion in which I felt “in the company” of those beyond the veil. One day I went to the temple to stand as proxy for Italian relatives who needed to be baptized. As I was confirmed for these women, I received an unmistakable impression. I felt that the women for whom I’d been baptized were not only initiated into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in that moment–the grandest of initiations–but that they were initiated into my circle of friends. In addition, I felt that these women wanted to keep me company in my home and in my life. I recall the warmth and feelings of association.

Sealing My Testimony

One night in the temple, I pondered the changes occurring in some of my loved ones lives.Then another thought attached itself to the previous one like a precious string of pearls forming a necklace. The gems were these impressions: Just as your ancestors prepared the way for you to accept the gospel of Jesus Christ by prompting you along the way, you prepared the way for them to receive it fully through family history and temple ordinances. They, in turn, have come back in great beauty and force to teach, instruct, guide our extended families.

And then came the additional thought: In much the same way, but on a much more significant scale, the Savior prepared the way for us to receive the gospel, and we now have the opportunity to prepare the way for Him through missionary, family history, and temple work–sealing together the human family in preparation for His Second Coming. This pattern is stunning to me.

And these impressions have changed my life.

I have since come to see that family history is synonymous with family healing. The waters of the temple are the waters of life. Those who are faithful are called to work with the Savior in being “repairers of the breach”–or the gaps in the human family caused by sin and error (Isaiah 58:11-12). I testify that we can do this–we can help heal the human family through this glorious work made possible through Christ’s work of proxy for us–his atoning sacrifice. His endowment prepares us for ours and our provision of endowments for others will prepare us to receive the Second Endowment–to see the face of the Lord. It’s better than lobster tail. It’s the fruit off the tree of life itself–white, delicious, sweeter than any other–of that, I bear witness.

Address To The BYU Studentbody 

By President Joseph Fielding Smith
Tuesday, Dec 8, 1953

I pray that the Spirit of the Lord will help me in what I have to say, When I was asked to come down, they wanted to know what I would take for a subject, and I told Presideut Wilkinson the title would be, “The Divine Law of Witnesses. ” This is something I think that is not too generally understood. First of all, I want to call attention to a statement in a prophecy by Isaiah where the Lord says: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts; neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.” (Isa. 55:8) The way men think and the way the Lord thinks do not always harmonize, and perhaps before I get through I can verify this. On one occasion when the Savior was talking to the Jews they accused Him of being a false teacher because, they said, He did not conform to the law which had been given to Israel-nobody spoke for Him; He testified of Himself, I wish to read those verses:

“The Pharisees therefore said unto Him: ‘Thou bearest record of thyself; thy record is not true. ‘Jesus answered and said unto them, ‘Though I bear record of myself, yet my record is true: for I know whence I came, and whither I go; but ye cannot tell whence I came, and whither I go, ‘ ‘Ye judge after the fIesh ; I judge no man ‘ ‘And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me. ‘ ‘It is also written in your law, that the testimony of two men is true.’ ‘I am one that bear witness of myself, and the Father that sent me bearth witness of me. ‘ ‘Then said they unto him, ‘Where is thy Father?’ Jesus answered, ‘Ye neither know me, nor my Father: if ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also “‘ (John 8:13 -19)

The law given to Israel was that nothing should be received on the testimony of one alone. There should be two witnesses before a man could be condemned. Likewise there must be two witnesses to bear record of the truth whenever a dispensation of the Gospel is introduced.

We don’t know much about the case of Enoch, but there were many witnesses who testified with him without a doubt, because he alone could not have accomplished the great work of uniting an entire people without help. We think, many of us, that Noah stood alone in bearing witness of the coming flood, and in our preaching we speak of Noah and his testimony to the people and how they rejected it; but Noah was not alone. He had some faithful sons who likewise bore witness with him, He had a faithful father who bore witness, and he had a faithful grandfather who likewise bore witness and who did not die until the year of the flood. So, he was not alone.

Moses was not alone. The Lord sent Aaron to be his spokesman, to bear witness with him that he, Moses, had been called to lead Israel out of bondage. And all through the history we find that there will be and has been at least two witnesses and, at times, more than two witnesses to bear testimony of the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, In the 24th Chapter of Luke we read of the Savior appearing after His resurrection to His disciples as they were assembled in an upper room . It states that he opened their ears and their eyes so that they could understand, and he said this:

” Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.’ And when he had thus spoken, he showed them his hands and his feet. And while they yet believed not for joy, and wondered, he said unto them, ‘Have ye here any meat?’ And they gave him a piece of a broiled fish, and of a honey comb, And he took it, and did eat before them. And he said unto them, ‘These are the words which I spake unto you, while I was yet with you, that all things must be fulfilled, which were written in the law of Moses, and in the prophets, and in the psalms, concerning me. ‘ Then opened he their understanding that they might understand the Scriptures, And said unto them, ‘Thus it is written, and thus it behooved Christ to suffer, and to rise from the dead the third day: And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. And ye are witnesses of these things, ” (Luke 24:39-48)

When Peter was called before the leaders of the Jews who commanded that he was no longer to preach Christ, he bore witness to them that he and John and the other members of the Council of the Twelve were witnesses of the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

The Lord took three of his Apostles upon the Mount. We call it the Mount of Transfiguration, and he gave unto them commandments and priesthood and set them apart, if you please, by authority to act as a presidency of the Church. Now some people say we didn’t have a presidency of the Church in those days. Well, Peter, James and John were given the keys of the priesthood on the Mount, and yet they and the rest of the Twelve were witnesses for Jesus Christ.

Now, coming to our own day. When Joseph Smith received his first vision, he was alone. That was of necessity The Lord had to reveal himself to one man alone When Moroni came to him in the beginning, the Prophet was alone; but when the way was opened for three men to behold an angel and bear witness of the Book of Mormon, the prophet returned home and said that a great load had been lifted from his shoulders. Now he was not carrying the load alone. Three other men were called to be witnesses with the Prophet Joseph Smith of the restoration of the Gospel.

Moreover, when the priesthood was restored, it was necessary that not only Joseph Smith should hold the keys and receive the ordination but there should be another witness, and Oliver Cowdrey was always present, so far as any history is concerned that we have, whenever the priesthood was restored; whenever the keys of the priesthood were restored Oliver Cowdrey received the authority with the Prophet Joseph Smith. When John the Baptist came, he came to Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdrey. He conferred upon each of them the priesthood of Aaron, When Peter, James and John came, Oliver Cowdrey and Joseph Smith were together. They received the keys for the power of the priesthood from Peter, James and John. Not the prophet alone. When other revelations came, the opening of the heavens and the great bestowal of gifts and blessings? they were given to Oliver Cowdrey as well as to Joseph Smith, In the Kirtland Temple when Moses came he conferred not only upon the head of Joseph Smith but upon the head of Oliver Cowdrey the keys of the gathering of Israel. When Elias came he gave to Joseph Smith and to Oliver Cowdrey the keys of the priesthood of Abraham. When Elijah came it was to Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdrey, the first and second elders of the Church, And every time keys were given to the Prophet they were also given to Oliver Cowdrey. (Doctrine & Covenants: 110)

Now there is a reason for this, For the Lord says, “In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.” (Doctrine & Covenants 6:28) Joseph Smith could not stand alone in the beginning of this dispensation. There had to be another witness, and Oliver Cowdrey was called to be that other witness. In other words, Oliver Cowdrey was an assistant president of the Church. Had Oliver Cowdrey lived and been faithful, at the time of the death of the Prophet Joseph Smith he would have, been the President of the Church, But Oliver Cowdrey transgressed and lost his calling, and it became necessary to appoint another in his stead; so we read in Section 124 in the Doctrine and Covenants that Hyrum Smith, my grandfather, had bestowed upon him all the keys and the authority that had been given to Oliver Cowdrey, and Hyrum Smith stood in the stead of Oliver Cowdrey as the second elder of the Church and an assistant president of the Church. And President Young said truthfully, ” had Hyrum Smith lived’ he would have been President of the Church.” (Doctrine and Covenants 124:95) He was already a president of the Church. We had two presidents of the Church during all the ministry of the Prophet Joseph Smith, a senior and a junior, or an assistant president, and there would have been no necessity for his ordination because he already had been so ordained.

Now I don’t think this is a matter that is generally understood, and I am going to read to you what the Lord said to the Prophet Joseph Smith in regard to Oliver Cowdrey and the duties of the assistant president. In The History of the Church under the date of December 6, 1834, we read:

Oliver Cowdrey was ordained by Joseph Smith by the command of the Lord as an assistant president of the high priesthood, to hold the keys of presidency with Joseph Smith in his ministry. This was in harmony with the ordinations he received under the hands of John the Baptist, and Peter, James and John. I’m not quoting the exact words, but this is the substance of that statement of December 5th, 1834. But here is an exact statement from the Prophet explaining the office given to Oliver Cowdrey. “The office of assistant president is to assist in presiding over the whole church and to officiate in the absence of the President according to his rank and appointment Namely, President Cowdrey first, President Rigdon second, arid President Williams third as they were severally called, The office of this priesthood is also to act as spokesman, taking Aaron for an example. The virtue of the above priesthood is to hold the keys of the kingdom of heaven and the Church militant. “ (History of the Church, Book A, Chapter I)

Oliver Cowdrey in rank preceded Sidney Rigdon and Fredrick G. Williams. Now, I have said, and I think it is absolutely true, I have never been questioned on it, that had Oliver Cowdrey lived faithful and true to his calling as the second elder, or President of the Church, he would have gone to his martyrdom with the Prophet Joseph Smith at Carthage, Illinois, on the 27th day of June, 1844. For I think it required the sealing of the testimony of the two men; but Oliver Cowdrey lost his place, and Hyrum Smith was appointed to it, and it became necessary for Hyrum Smith to become a martyr just as well as it was for the Prophet Joseph Smith. For the two witnesses for this dispensation holding the keys–and they now hold the keys of this dispensation-both had to seal that testimony, make it binding upon the world through the shedding of their blood,

Now, there is another thing in regard to witnesses that I want to call your attention to. Strangers coming through our section of the country frequently ask the question: “What became of the plates of the Book of Mormon?” And when we say, “The angel took them back again;” in a sneering manner they say, “Oh, of course, but see what you could have accomplished if you only had those plates with all the engravings on them and you could put them in the hands of the savants, men who are skilled in languages; they could have read them and pronounced them true. Then you could have converted the whole world.” And that is the way they look at it! Therefore’ I call attention to that passage of scripture that says the ways of the Lord and the ways of men are not always the same. Let me read this to you. At least I will tell this story and then read the conclusion of it.

You are all familiar with the story of the rich man and Lazarus. Lazarus asked for help from this man, and he got nothing. The rich man died. Lazarus died; but they didn’t go to the same place. But the rich man could see Lazarus with Abraham, and he called to Abraham and said, “Send Lazarus that he may cool my tongue with his finger, for I am in torment.” Then Abraham said, “There is a gulf that he cannot pass to come to you.” Then the man said, ” Then send him to my brethren that he might warn them that they won’t come where I am. ” Abraham said unto him, ” They have Moses and the prophets, let them hear them.” And he said, “Nay, Father Abraham, but if one went unto them from the dead they would repent.” And he said unto him, “If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead,” (Luke 16:30-31)

And so these great men say to us, “We can’t accept your story because you can’t show the plates, If you had them, some of these great scholars could take them and read them. Then they would find that Joseph Smith told a true story, and you could convert the whole world.” No you could not! That isn’t the Lord’s way, If the Lord had left those plates here, and if they had been placed in some museum where learned men could have discovered them , they would have quarreled over them; they would have said they were fraudulent. Instead of converting the world, they would not have believed them, not have accepted them, and the Lord knew it. But the Lord has a different way of doing. He says He will convert people through witnesses. And so Nephi records in regard to the Book of Mormon and its coming forth:

 ”Wherefore, at that day when the book shall be delivered unto the man of whom I have spoken, the book shall be hid from the eyes of the world; that the eyes of none shall behold it save it be that three witnesses shall behold it, by the power of God’ besides him to whom the book shall be delivered; and they shall testify to the truth of the book and the things therein. And there is none other which shall view it, save it be a few according to the will of God, to bear testimony of his word unto the children of men; for the Lord God hath said that the words of the faithful should speak as if it were from the dead, Wherefore, the Lord God will proceed to bring forth the words of the book; and in the mouth of as many witnesses as seemeth him good will he establish his word; and wo be unto him that rejecteth the word of God ” ( 2 Nephi 2 7: 12 -14)

Then we read in the Book of Ether some counsel that was given to the Prophet Joseph Smith,

And now I, Moroni, have written the words which were commanded me according to my memory; and I have told you the things which I have sealed up; therefore touch them not in order that ye may translate; for that thing is forbidden you, except by and by it shall be wisdom in God. And behold, ye may be privileged that ye may show the plates unto those who shall assist to bring forth this work. And unto three shall they be shown by the power of God; wherefore they shall know of a surety that these things are true.” (Ether 5:1-3)

And the Prophet Joseph Smith was commanded that he was not to break the seals of the part that was sealed.

Now, just a few more words; the Savior was taken a prisoner before the Sanhedrin, a great group of learned men. They accused Him of making statements about dying and being raised again. They accused Him of blasphemy, They took Him to, Pilate and condemned Him. Pilate condemned Him and turned Him over to them that they might crucify Him. Now according to ideas of men, as they express them in relation to the Book of Mormon, when the Savior came forth from the dead on the third day, the first place He ought to have gone was to the Sanhedrin. He should have said to those great men, “I told you that I would come forth from the dead again. Here I am, and here are my hands and here is my side and my feet. Examine the wounds.” He didn’t go to them. According to their idea He should have gone to Pilate and said, “You asked me if I were the Son of God. I told you for that purpose I came into the world, You condemned me to death; now here I am. Now are you going to be convinced?” He didn’t go there, did He? It wasn’t to Pilate He went. It wasn’t to the leaders of the Jews who cried out against Him, that He went. He did not go to His enemies. He went to some humble fisherman, and the few men He had gathered to be His companions when He was here, and showed them the wounds in His hands and in His feet and told them to thrust their hands into His side and be not faithless-at least that is what He said to one of them–and not unbelieving.

He appeared to certain women who were faithful and true. He appeared to those who had made a covenant to serve Him, but there is no evidence anywhere that He ever appeared to any single soul except Paul in the case of a non-believer. And He had a good reason for going to Paul, because He needed Paul in His ministry and He knew that Paul’s heart was right, but his head was wrong, And so He did manifest Himself to Paul, but He did not go to His enemies. That isn’t the Lord’s way of doing. He has appointed His servants; He’ sends them forth into the world to preach the Gospel, cry repentance and bear witness of the mission of Jesus Christ, and they who reject that testimony will have to answer for it!

Oh yea, wouldn’t it be easy for the Lord to have an angel come in the midst of heaven and cry to all people everywhere upon the face of the earth and tell them that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God? That is not His way of doing. We came here to this world to be tried and proved to see what kind of stuff we are made of, and to walk by faith. The Lord has not left us without understanding nor without evidence. There is an abundance of evidence, and the Lord is not going to reveal Himself to the scholar who is filled with prejudice and hate. Oh yes, He will have angels fly through the midst of heaven, not with the idea of converting but to bring judgements upon the ungodly. Now it is for us to seek the knowledge concerning Jesus Christ and the mission of the Prophet Joseph Smith through our faith and through the power that has been given to us in the gift of the Holy Ghost that we may know the truth that will make us free.

May the Lord bless us all, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen